PROFESSIONS-PHYSIC

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Professions-Physic

The worth and Excellence of the true Physician-Merit, not the sole Cause of Success-Modes of advancing Reputation— Motives of Medical Men for publishing their Works-The great evil of Quackery-Present state of advertising Quacks-Their Hazard-Some fail, and why-Causes of Success-How Men of understanding are prevailed upon to have Recourse to Empirics, and to permit their names to be advertised-Evils of Quackery: to nervous Females: to Youth: to Infants-History of an Advertising Empiric, Etc.

EXT, to a graver tribe we turn our view,

And yield the praise to worth and science due;
But this with serious words and sober style,

For these are friends with whom we seldom smile.
Helpers of Men they 're called, and we confess
Theirs the deep study, theirs the lucky guess;
We own that numbers join with care and skill,
A temperate judgment, a devoted will;
Men who suppress their feelings, but who feel
The painful symptoms they delight to heal;
Patient in all their trials, they sustain
The starts of passion, the reproach of pain,
With hearts affected, but with looks serene;
Intent they wait through all the solemn scene,
Glad if a hope should rise from nature's strife,
To aid their skill and save the lingering life;
But this must virtue's generous effort be,
And spring from nobler motives than a fee:
To the Physician of the Soul, and these,
Turn the distressed for safety, hope, and ease.
But as physicians of that nobler kind
Have their warm zealots, and their sectaries:
So among these for knowledge most renowned,
Are dreamers strange, and stubborn bigots found:

Some, too, admitted to this honored name,
Have, without learning, found a way to fame;
And some by learning-young physicians write,
To set their merit in the fairest light;
With them a treatise is a bait that draws
Approving voices-'tis to gain applause,
And to exalt them in the public view,
More than a life of worthy toil could do.
When 'tis proposed to make the man renowned,
In every age, convenient doubts abound;
Convenient themes in every period start,
Which he may treat with all the pomp of art:
Curious conjectures he may always make,
And either side of dubious questions take :
He may a system broach, or, if he please,
Start new opinions of an old disease;
Or may some simple in the woodland trace,
And be its patron, till it runs its race;

As rustic damsels from their woods are won,
And live in splendor till their race be run;

It weighs not much on what their powers be shown
When all his purpose is to make them known.

To show the world what long experience gains. Requires not courage, though it calls for pains; But at life's outset to inform mankind,

Is a bold effort of a valiant mind.

The great good man, for noblest cause displays
What many labors taught, and many days;
These sound instruction from experience give,
The others show us how they mean to live.
That they have genius, and they hope mankind
Will to its efforts be no longer blind.

There are, beside, whom powerful friends advance
Whom fashion favors, person, patrons, chance :
And merit sighs to see a fortune made

By daring rashness or by dull parade.

But these are trifling evils; there is one Which walks unchecked, and triumphs in the sun. There was a time when we beheld the Quack, On public stage, the licensed trade attack;

PROFESSIONS-PHYSIC

He made his labored speech with poor parade,
And then a laughing zany lent him aid:
Smiling we passed him, but we felt the while
Pity so much, that soon we ceased to smile;
Assured that fluent speech and flowery vest
Disguised the troubles of a man distressed :-

But now our Quacks are gamesters, and they play
With craft and skill to ruin and betray;

With monstrous promise they delude the mind,
And thrive on all that tortures humankind.

Void of all honor, avaricious, rash,

The daring tribe compound their boasted trash-
Tincture or syrup, lotion, drop or pill;

All tempt the sick to trust the lying bill;
And twenty names of cobblers turned to squires,
Aid the bold language of these blushless liars.
There are among them those who cannot read,
And yet they'll buy a patent, and succeed;
Will dare to promise dying sufferers aid.
For who, when dead, can threaten or upbraid?
With cruel avarice still they recommend
More draughts, more syrup to the journey's end:
"I feel it not: "- Then take it every hour:"

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"It makes me worse;"-"Why then it shows its power:"
"I fear to die;"-"Let not your spirits sink,
You're always safe, while you believe and drink.”
How strange to add, in this nefarious trade,

That men of parts are dupes by dunces made:
That creatures, nature meant should clean our streets,
Have purchased lands and mansions, parks and seats:
Wretches with conscience so obtuse, they leave
Their untaught sons their parents to deceive;
And when they're laid upon their dying bed,
No thought of murder comes into their head;
Nor one revengeful ghost to them appears,
To fill the soul with penitential fears.

Yet not the whole of this imposing train
Their gardens, seats, and carriages obtain ;
Chiefly, indeed, they to the robbers fall,
Who are most fitted to disgrace them all:

But there is hazard-patents must be bought,
Venders and puffers for the poison sought;

And then in many a paper through the year,
Must cures and cases, oaths and proofs appear;

Men snatched from graves, as they were dropping in,

Their lungs coughed up, their bones pierced through

their skin;

Their liver all one scirrhus, and the frame

Poisoned with evils which they dare not name;

Men who spent all upon physicians' fees,

Who never slept, nor had a moment's ease,
Are now as roaches sound, and all as brisk as bees.
If the sick gudgeons to the bait attend,

And come in shoals, the angler gains his end.
But should the advertising cash be spent,

Ere yet the town has due attention lent,
Then bursts the bubble, and the hungry cheat
Pines for the bread he ill deserves to eat :
It is a lottery, and he shares perhaps
The rich man's feast, or begs the pauper's scraps.
From powerful causes spring th' empiric's gains,
Man's love of life, his weakness, and his pains ;
These first induce him the vile trash to try,
Then lend his name, that other men may buy:
This love of life, which in our nature rules.
To vile imposture makes us dupes and tools;
Then pain compels th' impatient soul to seize
On promised hopes of instantaneous ease;
And weakness too with every wish complies,
Worn out and won by importunities.

Troubled with something in your bile or blood,
You think your doctor does you little good;
And grown impatient, you require in haste

The nervous cordial, nor dislike the taste;

It comforts, heals, and strengthens: nay, you think

It makes you better every time you drink;

"Then lend your name "-you're loth, but yet confess
Its powers are great, and so you acquiesce:
Yet think a moment, ere your name you lend,
With whose 'tis placed, and what you recommend ;

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PROFESSIONS-PHYSIC

Who tipples brandy will some comfort feel,
But will he to the med'cine set his seal?
Wait, and you'll find the cordial you admire
Has added fuel to your fever's fire:

Say, should a robber chance your purse to spare,
Would you the honor of the man declare?
Would you assist his purpose? swell his crime?
Besides he might not spare a second time.

Compassion sometimes sets the fatal sign,
The man was poor, and humbly begged a line,
Else how should noble names and titles back
The spreading praise of some advent'rous quack?
But he the moment watches, and entreats
Your honor's name-your honor joins the cheats,
You judged the med'cine harmless, and you lent
What help you could, and with the best intent;
But can it please you, thus to league with all
Whom he can beg or bribe to swell the scrawl?
Would you these wrappers with your name adorn,
Which hold the poison for the yet unborn?

No class escapes them-from the poor man's pay, The nostrum takes no trifling part away;

See! those square patent bottles from the shop

Now decoration to the cupboard's top;

And there a favorite hoard you'll find within,
Companions meet! the julep and the gin.

Time too with cash is wasted; tis the fate

Of real helpers to be called too late;

This find the sick, when (time and patience gone)
Death with a tenfold terror hurries on.

Suppose the case surpasses human skill,
There comes a quack to flatter weakness still;

What greater evil can a flatterer do,

Than from himself to take the sufferer's view?

To turn from sacred thoughts his reasoning powers

And rob a sinner of his dying hours?

Yet this they dare, and craving to the last,

In hope's strong bondage hold their victim fast:

For soul or body no concern have they,

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All their inquiry, Can the patient pay?