means, as desire, to make myself acquainted with you. I shall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good Sir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the register of your own; that I may pass with a reproof the easier, sith you yourself know, how easy it is to be such an offender. Fal. Very well, Sir; proceed. Ford. O good Sir! Fal. Master Brook, I say you shall. Ford. Want no money, Sir John, you shal want none. Fal. Want no mistress Ford, master Brock, you shall want none. I shall be with ber 1 inay tell you,) by her own appointment; even as you came in to me, her assistant, er ge he tween, parted from me: I say, I shall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the forth. Come you to me at night: you shail Loow how I speed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, jealous rascally knave her husband will be her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well Sir. Ford. I am blest in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, Sir? Fal. Hang bim, poor cuckoldly knave! [ know him not :-yet I wrong him, to call poor; they say, the jealous wittolly knave bulk masses of money; for the which bis wife seems to me well-favoured. I will use her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I have long loved her and, I protest to you, bestowed much on ner; followed her with a doting observance; engrossed opportu nities to meet her; fee'd every slight occasion, that could but niggardly give me sight of her; not only bought many presents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given: briefly, I have pursued her as love hath pursued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occasions. But whatsoever 1 have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, meed, I am sure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel: that I│I will stare him out of his wits; I will awe hit have purchased at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to say this. Ford. I would you knew Ford, Sir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical salt-butter reçue! with my cudgel: it shall hang like a meteur o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shal thou shalt lie with his wife.-Come to me sa know I will predominate o'er the peasant, and at night :-Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, shalt know him for a knave and cuckold :-come to me soon at Erit. Fal. Have you received no promise of satis- night. faction at her hands? Ford. Never. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean rascal is this! My heart is ready to crack with impa Fal. Have you importuned her to such a tience.-Who says, this is improvident jez purpose? Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Ford. Like a fair house, built upon another man's ground; so that I have lost my edifice by mistaking the place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some say, that, though she appear honest to me, yet, in other places, she enlargeth her mirth so far, that there is shrewd construction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the heart of my purpose: You are a gentleman of excellent breeding, admirable discourse, of great admittance, t authentic in your place and person, generally allowed for your many warlike, court-like, and learned preparations. Pal. O Sir ! Ford. Believe it, for you know it :-There is money; spend it, spend it; spend more; spend all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable siege to the honesty of this Ford's wife: use your art of wooing, win her to consent to you; if any man may, you may as soon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemency of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? Methinks, you prescribe to yourself very preposterously. Ford. O, understand my drift! she dwells so securely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my soul dares not present itself; she is too bright to be looked against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my desires had instance and argument to commend themselves; I could drive her then from the ward of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, Sir John ? Fal. Master Brook, I will first make bold with your money; next, give me your hand; and last, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. • Since. + Reward. 1 In the greatest companies. Approved. Guard lousy? My wife hath sent to him, the bour is SCENE III.—Windsor Park. Caius. Vat is de clock, Jack ? Rug. 'Tis past the hour, Sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet. Caius. By gar, he has saved his soul, dat be is no come; he has pray bis Pible vell, dat be is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wise, Sir; he knew your worship would kill him if he came. Cains. By gar, de herring is no dead, so 29 ! vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I will tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, Sir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villany, take your rapier. Rug. Forbear; here's company. guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Host. For the which, I will be thy adversary Enter HOST, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE. | towards Anne Page; said 1 well? Host. 'Bless thee, bully doctor. Shal. 'Save you, master doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Host. To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to sce thee traverse, to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy moutaint. Is be dead, my Ethiopian is he dead, my Francisco? ba, bully! What says my Esculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder ? ha! is he dead, bully Stale ? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the vorld; he is not show his face. Host. Thou art a Castilian ‡ king, Urinal ! Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and be is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions: is it not true, master Page ? Page. Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Shal. Bodykius, master Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, master Page. Page. 'Tis true, master Shallow. Shal. It will be found so, master Page. Master doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace; you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman you must go with me, master doctor. Host. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, mon. sieur Muck-water. § Caius. Muck-vater! vat is dat ? Host. Muck-water, in our English tongue is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much muckvater as de Englishman :-Scurvy jack-dog-priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears. Host. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Caius. Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat ? Host. That is, be will make thee amends. Cains. By gar, me do look, he shall clapperde-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it. Host. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell said. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. Eva. 'Pless my soul! how full of cholers 1 am, and trempling of mind!-1 shall be glad, if he have deceived me :-how melancholies I am! I will knog bis urinals about his knave's costard, when I have good opportunities for the 'ork :-'bless my soul! [Sings. To shallow rivers, to whose falls Mercy on me! I have a great dispositions to cry. Melodious birds sing madrigals ;- And a thousand fragrant posies. To shallow- Sim. No weapons, Sir: There comes my master, master Shallow, and another gentleman from Frogmore, over the stile, this way. Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or else keep it in your arms. Enter PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Shal. How now, master parson? Good mor dice, and a good student from his book, and it is wonderful. Host. And moreover, bully,-But first, mas-row, good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the ter guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Aside to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Host. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields will it do well? Shal. We will do it. Page. Shal. and Slen. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page. Host. Let him die: but, first, sheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will bring thee where Mrs. Anne Page is at a farm-bouse a feasting; and thou shalt woo her; Cry'd game, said I well? Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good Slend. Ah! sweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Pless you from his mercy sake, all of you! Shal. What the sword and the word! do you study them both, master parson ? Page. And youthful still, in your doublet and hose, this raw rheumatick day? Eva. There is reasons and causes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, master parson. Era. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who belike, having received wrong by some person, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shat. I have lived fourscore years and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he ? + Terms in fencing. Drain of a dunghill. Head. ↑ Babylon, the first line of the 130th Palm. tleman, my dear friend; and I fear not mine own shaine, so much as his peril: I had rather than a thousand pound, he were out of the house. Mrs. Page. For shame, never stand you had rather, and you had rather; your husband's there at hand, bethink you of some conveyance : in the house you cannot hide him.-Oh! how have you deceived me!-Look, here is a basket; if he be of any reasonable stature, he may creep in here; and throw foul linen upon him, as if it were going to bucking; Or, it is whitingtime, send him by your two men to Datchet mead. Mrs. Ford. He's too big to go in there: What shall I do? Re-enter FALSTAFF. Fal. Let me see't, let me see't! O let me see't! I'll in, I'll in ;-follow your friend's counsel-' in. Mrs. Page. What! Sir John Falstaff! Are these your letters, knight? Fal. I love thee, and none but thee; help me away: let me creep in here; I'll never (He goes into the basket; they cover him with foul linen. Mrs. Page. Help to cover your master, boy: Call your men, mistress Ford :-You dissembling knight! Mrs. Ford. What, John, Robert, John! [Exit ROBIN Re-enter SERVANTS.] Go, take up these clothes here, quickly: Where's the cowl-staff ?+ look, how you drumble: carry them to the laundress in Datchet mead; quickly, come. Enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir HUGH Ford. Pray you, come near: if I suspect with out cause, why then make sport at me, then let me be your jest; I deserve it.-How now? whither bear you this? Serv. To the laundress, forsooth. Mrs. Ford. Why, what have you to do whither they bear it? You were best meddle with buckwashing. special suspicion of Falstaff's being here; for I never saw him so gross in his jealousy till now. Mrs. Page. I will lay a plot to try that: 45d we will yet have more tricks with Fastaf: his dissolute disease will scarce obey this me dicine. Mrs. Ford. Shall we send that foolish carrion, mistress Quickly, to him, and excuse his throwing into the water; and give him an ther hope to betray him to another punishment! Mrs. Page. We'll do it; let him be sent ist to-morrow eight o'clock, to have amends. Re-enter FORD, PAGE, CAIUS, and Sir Hces EVANS. Ford. I cannot find him: may be the knave bragged of that he could not compass Mrs. Page. Heard you that ↑ Mrs. Ford. Ay, ay, peace:-You use me well, master Ford, do you? Mrs. Page. You do yourself mighty wrong, master Ford. Ford. Ay, ay; I must bear it. Eva. If there be any pody in the house, and in the chambers, and in the coffers, and in the presses, heaven forgive my sins at the day of judgment ! Caius. By gar, nor I too; dere is no bodies. Page. Fie, file, master Ferd! are you hit ashamed? What spirit, what devil suggests this imagination? I would not have your dis temper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, master Page: I der for it. Eva. You suffer for a pad conscience: your wife is as bonest a 'omans, as I will desuras among five thousand, and five hundred toe. Caius. By gar, I see 'tis an honest woman. Ford. Well-I promised you a dinner :Come, come, walk in the park; I prav yoa, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to veu, Ford. Buck? I would I could wash myself of why I have done this,-Come, wife;-come, the buck! Buck, buck, buck? Ay, buck; I war-mistress Page; I pray you pardon me; pray rant you, buck; and of the season too, it shall heartily, pardon me. appear.[Exeunt Servants with the basket.]Gentlemen, I have dreamed to-night; I'll tell you my dream. Here, here, here be my keys: ascend my chambers, search, seek, find out : I'll warrant, we'll unkennel the fox-Let me stop this way first-So, now uncape. § Page. Good master Ford, be contented: you wrong yourself too much. Ford. True, master Page-Up, gentlemen ; you shall see sport anon: follow me, gentlemen, [Exit. Eva. This is fery fantastical humours, and jealousies. Caius. By gar, 'tis no de fashion of France: it is not jealous in France. Page. Nay, follow him, gentlemen; see the issue of his search. [Exeunt EVANS, PAGE, and CAIUS. Mrs. Page. Is there not a double excellency in this ? Mrs. Ford. I know not which pleases me better, that my husband is deceived or Sir John. Mrs. Page. What a taking was he in, when your husband asked who was in the basket? Mrs. Ford. I am half afraid he will have need of washing; so throwing him into the water will do him a benefit. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, trust me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-moTTOM morning to my house to breakfast; after, we' a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bush: Shall it be so? Ford. Any thing. Eva. If there is one, I shall make two in the company. Caius. If there be one or two, I shall make a de turd. Eva. In your teeth: for shame. Catus. Dat is good; by gar, vit all my heart. SCENE IV.-—A Room in PAGE's House. Fent. Why, thou must be thyself. pense, Mrs. Page. Hang him, dishonest rascal; II seek to heal it only by his wealth: would all of the same strain were in the same distress. Mrs. Ford. I think my husband hath some Resides these, other bars he lays before me,- Fent. No, heaven so spced me in my time to Albeit, I will confess thy father's wealth Anne. Gentle, master Fenton, Yet seek my father's love: still seek it, Sir: Cannot attain it, why then.-Hark you hither. Shal. Break their talk, mistress Quickly; my kinsman shall speak for himself. Sten. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: slid, 'tis but venturing. Shal. Be not dismay'd. Slen. No, she shall not dismay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quick, Hark ye; master Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's O what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. badst a father! O boy, thou Sten. I had a father, mistress Anne ;-my uncle can tell you good jests of him :-Pray you, uncle, tell mistress Anne the jest, how my father stole two geese out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Mistress Anne, my cousin loves you. Slen. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Gloucestershire. woman. Sten. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'squire. yond' fool. Mrs. Page. I mean it not; I seek you a better husband. Quick. That's my master, master doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be set quick i' the earth, And bowl'd to death with turnips. Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good I will not be your friend, nor enemy: 'Till then, farewell, Sir:-She must needs go Her father will be angry. [Exeunt Mistress PAGE and ANNE. Fent. Farewell, gentle mistress; farewell, Nan. Quick. This is my doing, now ;-Nay, said I, will you cast away your child on a fool, and a physician? Look on master Fenton :-this is my doing. Fent. I thank thee; and I pray thee, once to-night Give my sweet Nan this ring: There's for thy pains. [Exit. Quick. Now heaven send thee good fortune! Skal. He will maintain you like a gentle-A kind heart he hath: a woman would run through fire and water for such a kind heart. But yet, I would my master bad mistress Anne; or I would master Slender had her; or, in sooth, I would master Fenton had her: I will do what I can for them all three; for so I have promised, and I'll be as good as my word; but speciously for master Feuton. Well, I must of another errand to Sir John Falstaff from my two mistresses; What a beast am I to slack † it? Shat. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good master Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you, Anne. Now, master Slender. Sten. My will ? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jest, indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not such a sickly creature, I give heaven praise. Anne. I mean, master Slender, what would you with me? Sten. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, so if not, happy man be his dole! They can tell you how things go, better than I can: You may ask your father; here he comes. Enter PAGE and Mistress PAGE. Page. Now, master Slender :-Love him, daughter Aune. Why, bow now! what does master Fenton [Exit. SCENE V.-A Room in the Garter Inn. Bard. Here, Sir. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of sack; put a toast in't. [Exit BARD.] Have I lived to be earried in a basket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be served such another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a new year's gift. The rogues slighted me into the river with as little remorse as they would have drowned a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter; and you may know by any size, that I have a kind of alacrity in sinking; if the bottom were as deep as hell, I should down. I had been drowned, but that the shore was shelvy and shallow; a death that i abhor; for the water swells a man; and what a thing shonid have been, when I had been swelled! I should have been a mountain of mummy. Re-enter BARDOLPH, with the wine. Bard. Here's mistress Quickly, Sir, to speak with you. Fal. Come let me pour in some sack to the Thames water; for my belly's as cold, as if I had swallowed snow-balls for pills to cool the Call her in. reins. Enter Mrs. QUICKLY. Quick. By your leave; I cry you mercy: Give your worship good-morrow. Fal. Take away these chalices :* Go brew me a pottle of sack finely. Bard. With eggs, Sir? Fal. Simple of itself; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage.-[Exit BARD.]-How now ? Quick. Marry, Sir, I come to your worship from mistress Ford. searched it; but Fate, ordaining he should be a cuckold, held his band. Well; on went be for a search, and away went I for foul clothes. Bat mark the sequel, master Brook: I suffered the pangs of three several deaths: first, an intolera ble fright, to be detected with a jealous ratten bell-wether: next, to be compassed like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hit se point, heel to head and then, to be stopped in, like a strong distillation, with stinking cloches that fretted in their own grease: think of that, as subject to heat as butter; a man of conuerai dissolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'scape suffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stewed in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cooled, glowing hot, in that surge, like a berse shoe; think of that ;-bissing hot,-think of that, master Brook. Fal. Mistress Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford: I have my belly full-a man of my kidney,-think of that; that am of ford. Quick. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her fault: she does so take on with her men: they mistook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woman's promise. Quick. Well, she laments, Sir, for it, that it would yearn your heart to see it. Her busband goes this morning a birding; she desires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: she'll make you amends, I warrant you. Fal. Well, I will visit her: Tell her so; and bid her think, what a man is: let her consider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quick. I will tell her. Ford. In good sadness, + Sir, I am sorry that for my sake you have suffered at this. My suit then is desperate; you'll undertake her v more. Fal. Master Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I wi leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding: I have received from her another Fal. Do so. Between nine and ten, say'st embassy of meeting; 'twixt eight and mice is thou? Quick. Eight and nine, Sir. Fal. Well, be gone: I will not miss her. Quick. Peace be with you, Sir! [Exit. Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he sent me word to stay within; I like his money well. O here he comes. Enter FORD. Ford. Bless you, Sir ! Fal. Now, master Brook? you come to know what hath passed between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my business. Fal. Master Brook, I will not lie to you; was at her house the hour she appointed me. Ford. And how speed you, Sir? Fal. Very ill-favouredly, master Brook. Ford. How so, Sir? Did she change her determination? Fal. No, master Brook; but the peaking cornuto, her husband, master Brook, dwelling in a continual 'larum of jealousy, comes me in the instant of our encounter, after we had embraced, kissed, protested, and, as it were, spoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provoked and instigated by his distemper, and, forsooth, to search bis house for his wife's love. Ford. What, while you were there? Ford. And did he search for yon, and could not find you? Fal. You shall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and, by her invention, and Ford's wife's distraction, they conveyed me into a buck-basket. Ford. A buck-basket! Fal. By the Lord, a buck-basket: rammed me in with foul shirts and smocks, socks, foul stockings, and greasy napkins; that, master Brook, there was the rankest compound of villanous smell, that ever offended nostril. Ford. And how long lay you there? Fal. Nay, you shall bear master Brook, what I have suffered to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus crammed in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were called forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul clothes to Datchet-lane: they took me on their shoulders; met the jealous knave their anaster in the door; who asked them once or twice what they had in their basket: I quaked for fear, lest the lunatic kuave would have • Cups. the hour, master Brook. Ford. 'Tis past eight already, Sir. Fal. Is it I will then address ; me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leisure, and you shall know how I speed; and the conclusion shall be crowned with your en joying her; Adien. You shall have ber, master Brook; master Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. Ford. Hum! ba! is this a vision ↑ is this a dream? do I sleep? Master Ford, awake; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, master Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linen, and buck-baskets !—Weil, I will proclaim myself what I am: I will now take the lecher; he is at my house: he cannot 'scape me; 'tis impossible he should; be can. not creep into a halfpenny purse, nor into a pepper-box: but, lest the devil that guide, han should aid him, I will search impossible places. Though what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, shall not make me tame : if I bave horus to make one mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be boru mad. ACT IV. SCENE I-The Street. Enter Mrs. PAGE, Mrs. QUICKLY, and Mrs. Page. Is he at master Ford's already, think'st thou. Quick. Sure, he is by this; or will be presently: but truly, he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water. Mistress Ford desires you to come suddenly. but bring my young man here to school: Look, Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I' where his master comes; 'tis a playing day, I see. Enter Sir HUGH EVANS. Era. No; master Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quick. Blessing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband says, my son profits nothing in the world at his book: 1 pray you, ask him some questions in his ach dence. • Bilboa, where the best blades are made. + Seriousness. : Make myself ready. Outrageous. |