The fact is, there's music in a bell, but there aint none in a cannon, except when its fired at the enemy. Hallo! how every thing swims round like a woman in a waltz; dang it, I believe I drank one glass too much to-day. Let me see: I took my bitters in the morning, I took a glass with a friend just before breakfast, and another before I turned out to see the procession, and-and-and-O, dang it, I have lost the hang of them; but why should I bring myself to the degraded level of my tavern keeper, and make an entry of my drinkshe'll want them to fill up his schedule, then why should I give myself any trouble about it ?"

"I should like to know," said the watchman, coming up"I should like to know what you is a talking about."

"About my private business-the manner in which my domestic affairs is conducted," said Brown, "but I should like to know, old feller, if I can't talk about what I d―n please without you coming and pokin' your nose in my face as if you wanted to smell what I was saying instead of hearing it." "It's part of my system," said the watchman.

"O, dang your system," said Brown, " improve it right off. Berker, the writing master, says as how he can improve the worst system in six lessons of one hour each; put yourself under him and see if he don't teach you something as you don't know."

"That's enough," says Charley, "I has a duty to perform, and, as the feller with the plaid kilt says in the play,

'If it were done, when 'tis done, then 'twere well

It were done quickly.'

"I'm O. K.—off for the calaboose, and so is you." Charley placed Brown in the watchhouse without saying another word. He was discharged on paying jail fees.

L-A-WI

AMONG the prisoners in the Recorder's court of the First Municipality yesterday, were two individuals who claim to belong to one of the learned professions! A singular coincidence that, to have two men whose daily duty it is to unloose the manacles of the law when they are cast around others, caught themselves in its intricate and perplexing meshes. We will not give names, but shall call them No. 1 and No. 2.

No. 1, whose face is familiar to the Recorder, was called. "Mr. -,” said the Recorder, in a voice so loud that rendered a repetition by the crier unnecessary, "Come up here, sir!" and Mr. whose

"Right leg is good and whose left leg is wood,"

hobbled up to the bench.

Recorder. "You have been drunk again; I see you have; I know you have; aint you ashamed of yourself; you, who come here to get other people from prison every other day, to be so often yourself in that dock; are you not ashamed of yourself?"

No. 1, whose nerves appeared to be utterly powerless and his strength entirely prostrated from the effect of his debauch, said "No, no, Mr. Bertus, you form a wrong opinion of me: there is some one behind the curtain who poisons your ear to my prejudice some person who stabs in the dark-who-" "Come, clear out sir," says the Recorder, “and let me never see you brought to this place a prisoner again."

No. 2 appeared to have more eccentricity and less brandy toddies in him than No. 1. He had one shabby, "shammy" glove which was drawn over his right hand, and which he took some pains to expose; the rest of his dress was in the sere and yellow leaf.

Recorder.-"What are you?"

No. 2-"I am, may it please the court, an attornery at law, have just arrived in your city." Recorder,-"How came you to be in

in a state of intoxication?”

street last evening

No. 2.-"Lex neminem cogit ostendere quod nescire præsumitur which signifieth, when rendered in English, the law will oblige no man to declare that of which he is presumed to be ignorant.

Recorder. "Will you promise not to get tipsy again?" No. 2.-"Lex neminem cogit ad impossibilia—the law compels no man to impossibilities.”

Recorder. Since you are such a rigid stickler for the law I shall fine you, agreeably to law, $20 for drawing a knife on the constable who took you."

No. 2. If you do, sir, I'll appeal to the legus legum." Orders were given to place a retainer on No. 2 and his body in safe custody, to keep until the fine be paid; and so ended the case of the learned lawyers.

REGULATING THE CURRENCY.

VARIOUS have been the ways suggested since the the "crisis" of '37 for regulating the currency, and still the currency remains unregulated, or in a state of disorder. About every man in the Union, from Van Buren, who suggested the sub-treasury, to the petty pedler in pumpkins, who issued his individual shinplasters from Tom Benton, of the better currency notoriety, to the directors of the Brandon Bank, of the worse currency notoriety-has exercised his financial skill in regulating the currency.-Nicholas Biddle, who was considered the "great regulator," like all others, up to this time, having failed in the attempt, a thousand pigmy financiers have started into existence, each of them assuring the public that he and he alone has discovered the sure and certain method for regulating the currency. Their nostrums have all in turn been applied to the exchanges, and still the currency is derangedstill our suffering is intolerable. We are beginning to think that the currency, like the individual members of the family of chickens among which the donkey kept dancing, will have to take care of itself.

If Jerry Brady's mode of regulating the currency does not display any striking points in the way of providing a general circulating medium, or facilitating trade and commerce, it certainly has originality about it.

Jerry was yesterday arraigned before the Recorder, charged by Kitty Kane with stealing from her two $3 municipality notes and a specie dollar.

Recorder to Kitty." Will you prove that he stole your money?",

Kitty-0, the Lord be betune us an harm! Recorder, avourneen; do you think I'd tell ye a lie, after bein' yestherday wid the priest ?"

Recorder."What circumstances lead you to believe he stole it?"

Kitty-"O, the crass of Christ about us! who else could take it, barrin' the fairies? and sure there's none of them in this counthry."

REGULATING THE CURRENCY.

Recorder.-"Where had you it?"

99

Kitty. "That I may niver do hurt or harın, your anar, if I hadn't it rowled up in me trashbag, as careful as if it was a letther from home was in it."

Recorder. Had you any thing in your purse but the two $3 bills and the silver dollar which the prisoner took ?"

Kitty. Nothin' in the world at all at all, your anar, but two three dollars more, another silver dollar and me karackter." Recorder. "Your what?"

Kitty-Me karackter, plase your riverence."

Recorder." Why, you don't carry your character in your pocket-do you?"

Kitty.—“ Yis, sir—I had the one in it I got from me last place."

The Recorder now comprehended that Kitty alluded to a written certificate of good conduct; and he was also in possession of the main facts on which the accusation was founded. Telling Kitty to stand back, he addressed himself to Jerry Brady, who stood all this time scratching his head, now unbuttoning and now buttoning his vest, raising his feet as if he was standing on heated iron, and laying them down again-betraying, in fact, every possible symptom of uneasiness.

Recorder." Brady, what have you to say to this charge?" Jerry-(Looking in the most imploring manner possible at Kitty.)-O, sarrah ha'porth I have to say, yer anar; sure Kitty knows it was all a joke."

Recorder." Rather a serious joke, my good fellow, to steal seven dollars from her.”

Jerry." Well, I'll till your anar how it was, as thrue as if I kissed the Bible. You see I met two frinds from the ould country that I didn't put me two lookin' eyes on afore sense I left New Yark, and I axed thim to take somethin'; but, be gor, I forgot that I hadn't a picayune in the world. I took thim in, howsomedever, and treated thim; and sis I to thim, sis I, Boys, stop here, I want to go out, but I'll be back to you in as short time as a cat 'ud be aitin' a ha'porth of butther. So I can run out to Kitty, and began to joke wid her about wheder she or I had the most money, though purshumin to the farthin' good or bad I had. She pulled out her fourteen dollars, and dared me to show as much; whin 1, out of a joke, put siven of thim in me pocket, and ran away laughin'. 'Biddy,' sis I, 'you have siven dollars now, and I have siven dollars, and that is the nearest way that I know of for regulaṭin'

the currency.' I spint the money, sir, but I'm willin' to give her me I. O. U. for it."

Certain friends interposed, Kitty accepted Jerry's terms for liquidating the debt, the prosecution was withdrawn, and all the parties left the office on the most friendly footing.

VAGARIES OF THE MOON.

THOMAS MOON was arrested on Friday night, for being eclipsed by a cloud of liquor.

"What's your name?" said the watchman.

"Moon," said Tom.

"You can't shine, Mr. Moon!" said the watchman.

"I can't, that's a fact," said Tom, "though I have filled my horns, and emptied them, too; but give me a hand-help me to rise. You know what Byron says————

"Yes, I knows all that," said the watchman; "but it's no matter whether I does or not, 'cause it aint in the ordinance -it aint nothing but poetry, and my old 'ooman always told me as how poetry is nonsense; so come along to the watchhouse, Mr. Moon."

"I cry quarter," said Moon.

"You shall get a quarter-that is, three calendar months-in the workhouse," said the watchman.

"Then you extinguish the light of my prospects for ever,” said Moon.

"Not a bit of it," said the watchman; "for instead of putting you out, I put you in." And so, without saying more on the subject, he took off Moon to the calaboose, a place where he had often been before.

He was immediately recognised by the officer of the night, whose first salutation to him was

"Why, Moon, how do you rise!"

"I don't rise at all," said Moon-"I'm on the decline." "And so you have let yourself be taken up again," said the officer. "Well, Mr. Moon," he added, "I will not pretend to say that you are made of green cheese; but, from the number