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"Why, your honour," said a watchman, "he says as how I cracked his fiddle; but blow me if I don't think its his own head that's cracked-you should ha' seen the shines he cut up in Burgundy street last night. He called it a sur-in-aid; but folks didn't like such aid thereabouts-I know they didn't 'cause they all calls on me, and tells me to take him to the vatchhouse; von young 'oman puts her head out of a two story vinder, and she hollers to me-Vatchman! you take that 'ere feller to the vatchhouse; he comes here a cutting up these here didos every night-he's a wagrant, and we don't know nothin' about him.'"

Recorder." What brought you, sir, to disturb a peaceable neighbour at that time of night? I am told by the watchman it was one o'clock."

Christopher-[Waving his right arm like a stump orator speaking of the constitution]-"Because I have sworn it; and

'Not for all the sun sees, or

The close earth wombs, or the profound seas hide
In unknown fathoms, will I break my oath

To her, my fair beloved!'"'

Watchman." That's the vay he's alvays a goin' on. You ought to've heerd him a singin'

'Vake, lady, vake !'

last night, and play it on the fiddle at the same time! Vy, he's death on catgut, and a reg'lar vind instrument! His notes is higher than any of the solwent banks!-he's a perfect

roarer!"

Recorder- "You will have to find bail to keep the peace, unless you promise to give up your serenading."

Christopher." To do so would jar with the vow I have taken and create a discord in the sounds of my soul's feelings; besides

'I am advised to give her music o' mornings:
They say it will penetrate.'

"Take him off," said the Recorder, "until he finds the necessary bail."

In a moment a policeman grasped Christopher by the arm, and Christopher grasped his fiddle by the neck, displaying thereby a wonderful instance of fiddle-ity!

"LAY ON, MICK DUFF!"

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"LAY ON, MICK DUFF!"

"MICHAEL DUFF and Tom Crowley were yesterday brought before the Recorder, for practically illustrating their bellicose propensities on the Levee, contrary to the statute in that case made and provided, and the peace and dignity of the state.

Tom Tanner, a witness who was present, put the court in possession of the terms and conditions of the fight. The weapons were fists; they stood at striking distance, and as much nearer as they could clutch one another. The battle was to be fought on the knock-down and drag-out principle, agreeably to the "sports of the ring," as laid down in the Kentucky code.

"Who was the aggressor ?" said the Recorder to the witness, Tanner.

"Why, Crowley was, of coorse," said Tanner: "he challenged Mick, and wouldn't give him pace nor aze till he fought him."

"Well, and what did you say?" inquired the Recorder. "Did you endeavour to make peace?"

"I did no such thing, yer anour," said Tanner, "for I seed Tom was itchin' for a batin', and I was detarmined to let him have it; so, as soon as iver I seed Mick square at him, I said, as our counthryman Moore, the beautiful dramatic poet of nature, ilegantly expresses it :

Whoo! lay on Mick Duff!

Pitch into Crowley till he cries enough!"

And so he did, yer anour-as beautiful as if he tuck lessons from O'Rourke or deaf Burke himself!"

They were all fined for disturbing the peace, and discharged.

DOMESTIC DIFFCULTIES.

OR, THE ONE WOMAN POWER.

"WHAT, here again this morning, Jemmy?" said the Recorder yesterday, to a withered looking little specimen of mortality who stood before him, and with whom official intimacy

appeared to have made him quite familiar." What's the mat

יי? ter now

"The old story, your honour," said Jemmy. "The old woman here"-and he trembled with fear as he finished the sentence-" was kicking up her shines last night again."

The "old woman here" to whom Jemmy referred was a smirking, masculine looking young woman, with the word virago written in legible letters upon her features. When Jemmy made this "complimentary" allusion to her, she gave him a look that seemed to operate on his nervous system like a shock from a galvanic battery; and then, assuming a mild look of forbearance, she turned to the Recorder, and in a subdued tone of voice assured his honour that "there was no living with Jemmy Galvin, he carried on so!"

"Why, Galvin," said the Recorder, "it is not more than a week ago since I bound you over to keep the peace to your wife!" "I know it's not," said Jemmy, "but when you bound me over your honour missed a figure-you took the wrong pig by the ear, as they say in Ohio-it's the old woman here you should have kept from doing mischief; she's the head and front, soul and body, shoes and stockings of offending."

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"O," says Mrs. G., putting a white pocket handkerchief up to her eyes, and first looking vinegar at Jemmy and then looking tears and treacle at the Recorder, "O, I'm a miserable woman! an ill used woman! I calls for the protection of the court from the wiolence of that man!" and here Mrs. G. seemed affected even to false tears.

"Are not you a pretty fellow," said the Recorder to Jemmy, "to treat your wife in this manner- -to act with violence and unkindness to one whom you should protect and cherish?"

"O, bless your hinnocent heyes," said Jemmy," you does'nt know that ere woman; them aint tears; nor she aint crying now; it's all hactin', your honour. You should see her last night when we were taken up by the watch; the way she did pitch into me was a caution to the feller they called the Liverpool pet, wot taught the art of boxing here on scientific principles."

The watchman was here called upon, and corroborated to a considerable extent the allegations of Mr. G. relative to the pugilistic prowess of Mrs. Galvin.

"Is there no possibility of both of you living together,” said the Recorder, "in more harmony?"

"I don't see none," said Jemmy, "I've tried every thing to please her, but it aint no use; she scolds me and abuses me

A SCOTCH FEE-LOSOPHER.

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for every thing I says, and every thing I does. They may talk of John Tyler's vetoes, but he aint no circumstance in obstinacy to my wife. If I asks her to go to the lake with me she won't come; if I asks her to go to Carrollton or to the Tivoli theatre, she won't come; if I asks her to make coffee for breakfast, she is sure to have tea; and if I takes a liking to fish and tells her to prepare some for dinner, she inwariably dresses meet and wegetables. In fact, your honour, it's veto and ditto veto, all the year round.”

Mrs. G. said not a word, but seemed "nursing her wrath to keep it warm."

Jemmy continued: "It's very well for politicians to speak of the danger of the one man power;' but if they lived as long as I have with Mrs. Galvin, they'd know something I guess about the danger of the one woman power. I tell you, when I thinks of it, I trembles for my constitution."

The Recorder having, it appears, previously bound Mr. Galvin to keep the peace, now made Mrs. G. enter into her recognisances, and then permitted them to return home to enjoy again the delights of domestic felicity!

A SCOTCH FEE-LOSOPHER.

JAMES BURNS, who comes from the "land o' cakes," and may be, for aught we know to the contrary, a lineal descendant of the Ayrshire bard, who was himself so honest that

"He wad na cheat the vera de'il!"

was arrested in the neighbourhood of the Public Square on Wednesday evening. He was engaged in haranguing à la Prophet Munday, a promiscuous crowd. But in almost everything he was the antipodes of the prophet. The prophet wears no hat he wore a shocking bad one; the prophet does not shave his chin-Jim shaves his whole face, when he can get a barber to credit him; the prophet is sharp and acute-looking-Jim looks like a "daft" man; the prophet is short-Jim is tall; the prophet, speaks sense-Jim Burns talks nonsense ;-Jim's theme was "education-its ill effects;" and in this it may be perceived that he not only takes ground against the great thinkers of his own country, but also against those of this. "A' the evils," we could hear Jim say as we

approached him, "a" the evils, ma freens, that affleect the coontry proceed fra superaboondant eedication; the vera boys ken mair noo-muckle mair-than oor gran'fathers did een when their locks, as the song says o' John Anderson's, war white as the snaw. I teel ye again, ma freens," said Jim, "that this thing o' eedication is like a Scootch broadsword, an unco dangerous weepon in the hands o' them as dinna ken the way to use it. Withoot the genius it's like a haggis without the eengredients; and wi' it, it is a' togither like a breeks to a Highlandera superfluous article. As my namesake Bob used to say

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"O," said the watchman, coming up, "I'll give you a night in the calaboose."

"Why, mon," said Jim, "this is a free coontry, and I'm only geein' expression to my seentiments."

"Yes, you is a-breakin' the ordinance in favour of public education," said the watchman-"I knows you is ;" and so he took off this Scotch philosopher of the new schoolcircumstance which seemed to edify his auditors just as much as his dissertation on, or rather against, education did.

AN ATTEMPT TO SHAVE A SHAVER.

A LITTLE Frenchman, whose hair stood on an end à la Jackson, with short legs and large calves, kicked up almost as great a fuss in Recorder Baldwin's court yesterday, as Louis Napoleon did recently in Bologne. His nose was as sharp as a razor, and his face was as white from powder as if it were newly lathered. A large frill struck perpendicularly out from his bosom like an open oblong fan, and a large circular snuff box resembling the Grand Humbug Real Estate Lottery Wheel, protruded from his vest pocket.

"You shave me, I shave you, eh? sacre! one great imposture," said the Frenchman, pulling his snuff box hurriedly from his vest pocket, giving it a wicked crack of his open hand on the lid, and raising a large pinch of the pungent powder to his nose between his two fingers and thumb, he snuffed up the lesser portion of it, the greater he let fall on his frill. ❝ You shave me, I shave you, eh?" again he repeated with as

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