HOW TO MAKE A RAISE. 201 the watchman who has as great an aversion to street minstrels at night as a toper has to water straight. He hurried to where Mike was holding forth, and in a manner as summarily as the revolutionary mobs of Paris hurried off their victims to the guillotine, forced him along to the watchhouse. "Aisy Misther," said Mike. "Off with you, you vagrant," said the watchman. If you be poet laureat to the fat girl, I'll let you see that I'm watchman lau-writ to the Recorder." "Why you contankerous ould thief," said Mike," can't you let me bid the craythur good night and tell her to take care she don't ketch could?" "O, look here, old feller," said the watchman, you are labouring under a hoptical illusion, that was'nt nothin' but the picture o' the fat girl you was a singin' to-and a precious ugly picture it is." 66 "O, dl fry me," says Mike, "if I could have betther luck-all this comes from breaking the pledge." When he arrived at the watchhouse he was searched-a temperance medal and three picayunes were found in his pocket. Yesterday morning he acknowledged to the Recorder he was so drunk the night before he could not see a hole through a ladder-he renewed his broken temperance pledge and was discharged. HOW TO MAKE A RAISE. MOSES A. TRASH was yesterday inducted to a seat in the prisoner's box by one of the police officers. Moses looked like a man against whom misfortune had been blowing a hard wind all his life time; his flag of distress seemed never to have been taken in. He was indeed a ragocrat legitimately and of right." The vorld," said Moses, as he wended his way up Magazine street about twelve o'clock on Wednesday night," the vorld is a vicious vicked vorld and haint got no sympathy for no one. If a feller vishes to rise in an honest vay, the ladder is pulled from under his feet 'fore he gets up two steps, and down he comes. If he tries to go ahead on vot's called equitable principles, he runs off the track in a short time, I tell you. I've rewolved the thing over in my mind; I looked at it every vhich vay and find it aint to be New Orleans with a French cuisinier, under whose "protection" she now is and wishes to remain. Jack remains in the calaboose till he "ships" or finds some one to go security that he will keep the peace. The moral atmosphere that surrounds him at the present time looks decidedly squally. A MISTAKE: OR, THE BROKEN pledge AND THE FAT GIRL'S PORTRAIT. OPPOSITE the St. Charles Hotel there stands at the present writing, or did stand on Friday night, a painting of the fat girl in a blue frock, white apron, and pantaletts. As an artistical production it is nothing to brag of. It can never be mistaken as an emanation from the pencil of a Raphael or an Angelo, still it is a likeness of a human being, the softest of the softer sex; in fact the colouring for flesh and blood is laid on thick, and by a man high, or up a tree, it might be mistaken for a breathing being. We are told that there be those who, "See Helen's beauty in a brow of Egypt," and of like perverted vision is Michael Grace-a most graceless fellow is Mike-for he thought, on Friday night, that the picture of the fat girl was the fat girl herself-that the counterfeit presentment was the original. 66 "Ah, thin, you're welcome down stairs, darlin'," says Mike, addressing the painting (the fat girl, be it remembered, is exhibited in a room over where the portrait hung.) You're welcome down stairs, a-lanna. O, blud-in-ages but it's yoursel' is the fine armful; but what signifies what you are now to what you'll be when you are twenty. Why be jakes you'd make a wise for a man that 'ud be as big as Finn McCoul." (Here the canvass was agitated by the wind.) Oh don't go off in a huff, a cushla," said Mike; "d-l a word I sed of you but what's thrue, for as the ould song ses: 66 'Was I Paris, whose deeds were various, Or if, like Homer, I could indite, I'd sound your praise and your fame I'd raise, this in a key so loud that it attracted the ear of HOW TO MAKE A RAISE. 201 the watchman who has as great an aversion to street minstrels at night as a toper has to water straight. He hurried to where Mike was holding forth, and in a manner as summarily as the revolutionary mobs of Paris hurried off their victims to the guillotine, forced him along to the watchhouse. "Aisy Misther," said Mike. "Off with you, you vagrant," said the watchman. If you be poet laureat to the fat girl, I'll let you see that I'm watchman lau-writ to the Recorder." "Why you contankerous ould thief," said Mike, " can't you let me bid the craythur good night and tell her to take care she don't ketch could?" "O, look here, old feller," said the watchman, you are labouring under a hoptical illusion, that was'nt nothin' but the picture o' the fat girl you was a singin' to-and a precious ugly picture it is." "O, dl fry me," says Mike, "if I could have betther luck-all this comes from breaking the pledge." When he arrived at the watchhouse he was searched-a temperance medal and three picayunes were found in his pocket. Yesterday morning he acknowledged to the Recorder he was so drunk the night before he could not see a hole through a ladder-he renewed his broken temperance pledge and was discharged. HOW TO MAKE A RAISE. MOSES A. TRASH was yesterday inducted to a seat in the Moses looked prisoner's box by one of the police officers. like a man against whom misfortune had been blowing a hard wind all his life time; his flag of distress seemed never to have been taken in. He was indeed a ragocrat legitimately and of right." The vorld," said Moses, as he wended his way up Magazine street about twelve o'clock on Wednesday night," the vorld is a vicious vicked vorld and haint got no If a feller vishes to rise in an honest sympathy for no one. vay, the ladder is pulled from under his feet 'fore he gets up If he tries to go ahead on two steps, and down he comes. vot's called equitable principles, he runs off the track in a short time, I tell you. I've rewolved the thing over in my mind; I looked at it every vhich vay and find it aint to be done but by gammon-gammon is a far better article than anthracite coal for firing up and keeping on steam if you vant to keep on the railroad of fortune. I have a scheme now in my mind—a 'grand scheme'—and if that don't succeed I'll report myself at vonce unfit for service-but it will, it must, I know it must; and other fellers vill have a chance of making a fortune right off as vell as I vill." "I say, 66 mister, vot do you mean by placing your thumb on your nose and vorking your fingers ?" asked Moses of some imaginary, or at least imperceptible person. "Don't you think it's true; vell I'm blowed if you don't see it in the papers. Yes, I'll adwertise some real estate vhich, if I don't own I should own; and the 'fortunate holders' shall be told of all kinds of prizes. Tickets vill be sold off cheap and it vill be a 'rare chance' for making an inwestment. Vhat's that you say? (speaking again to the invisible gentleman,) I don't own no real estate? Vot of it; aint a vell painted map prettier any day than real estate; can't I have theatres and hotels and all that sort of things drawn out on a piece of parchment and made to look jest as nat'ral as life; and if I can raise the vind to pay the artist, vont it be all right, because then it vill be vot I calls unincumbered property. That's the only vay as I knows on of making a fortin. It's vonderful how meu suffer dust to be thrown in their eyes ven a lottery is in the case; I attributes it myself to a constirtutional veakness in their natur, jest like drinking juleps or any other wice; and I doesn't think it can be 'radicated by the state legislature either, nor in fact I aint anxious it should till I dispose of my tickets for the unseen, unknown, unincumbered, grand humbug, imaginary, real estate, situated and lying and being, as the lawyers say, in the extensive, flourishing, prosperous, and favourably situated city of Smithville, which is to be the future seat of government of all America; the starting place of the Columbian and European steam balloon carriages, and the depot of the Atlantic and Pacific marine railroads. There, I'd like to know who vouldn't buy my lottery tickets vith such a grand flourish as that in an adwertisement-vy they'll go off like Colt's repeating rifle; they vill, and no mistake about it." Feeling in an extasy of delight that he had at length found out the pleasant art of money catching, a science of which he had been in pursuit all his life but could never get the hang of it-he commenced cutting up as many capers as a man with the poker, or a drunken Indian. A STRIKE AMONG THE TAILORS. 203 Charley, with that anxiety which he ever evinces for the safety and well being of the citizens, took Moses up and secured for him for the night in the calaboose. The Recorder on hearing his story yesterday morning, came to the conclusion that he followed no honest occupation for a living, and ordered him to be sent to the calaboose for thirty days. There he will have leisure to arrange his plans for the drawing of his Grand Real Estate Lottery Scheme. A STRIKE AMONG THE TAILORS. IN Boston, New York and Philadelphia the tailors have their strikes, and from a case which came before the Recorder recently, it would appear that a portion at least of the "knights of the thimble" in this city are determined not to be behind the age. There seems to be this difference, however, between those of the craft at the north and the two-for that was their number-who were up before the Recorder; the former struck for higher wages, the latter struck one another. The Recorder having intimated to the clerk that he was ready to investigate the case of the State vs. Fursey, or rather Stack well vs. Fursey, that official, with grave intonation and distinct emphasis, called out the names of the parties. Fursey, who was standing near, responded on his part to the call, and Stackwell rose from one of the back benches and answered the summons. They were in every thing but their calling perfectly antipodal.-Fursey's age was some where in the fortiesStackwell's in the twenties. Fursey was short and shapeless as a bag of coffee-Stackwell was tall and attenuated as a fishing pole.-Fursey's legs were bowed like a saddler's clamps Stackwell's projected out from the knees like a distended compass. Fursey had beard on his face as strong as the bristles of a flesh brush--Stackwell's was as light and downy as the feathers of a young duck. Fursey had his hair cropped in roundhead fashion-Stackwell had his combed over his collar a la cavalier. Fursey's nose, as if attracted by the stars, seemed to turn up to heaven-Stack well's was of the most approved acquiline order. But it is unnecessary to pursue the contrast, for it was carried out in every feature and lineament of the parties. Fursey was buttoned up in a seedy |