PICKINGS FROM THE "PICAYUNE." JIM JOYCE, WHO TRIED TO BE A TEMPERANCE MAN, BUT COULDN'T COME IT! An individual who rejoices in the name of Jim Joyce, was lecturing the lamp-post on the mutability of matter, at the corner of Lafayette Square, on Sunday night. His remarks, which were delivered in a loud voice, brought the watchman on his legs, as they say in parliamentary phrase; for he had just, by way of showing his extraordinary vigilance, been taking a comfortable snooze-or, to speak more refinedly, he had been indulging in the luxuriance of an hour's somnolency. "Keep silent!" said Joyce to the lamp-post, as the watchman approached him, "and I'll explain the whole matter to you." "What's the matter with you?" said the watchman. "Who are you?—eh ?—Let me see. Why, I'm blowed if you aint Jim Joyce! What! Jim, my old covey, not taken the pledge yet! Ah, Jim! you must be elected president of the Unreformed Drunkards;—you can go the anti-Washingtonian ticket strong!" "Charley, old feller," said Jim, "I's not what I used to was -I aint my self-I aint nobody-I aint nothing-I wish I was. I have wound up my affairs, and am in a state of liquor-dation !" "Yes, I guess as how you have accepted a great many draughts lately," said the watchman-"you seem like it." . "You're right, hoss-I has," said Jim; "but, dang it, the legislature won't come to my relief. Don't you see I haint got no movement,' and I'm used up with dead weight."" "Well, come-r e-move along," " said Charley. "You haint bin out of prison three days. I'll refer you to a committee of one, composed of Recorder Baldwin: I guess he'll move for your recommitment, with a view to your amendment !" " 6 "Yes," says Jim; "but the Temperance Society has had me under consideration-I find I can't be amended-I didn't take nothing for three days; but I couldn't stand it no longer, and was obliged to resume my drinks. O! it's an awful state, Charley, for a feller to be without his bitters when he's used to them!" "Well, come along," said the watchman.-"Thirty days in the new workhouse may have more virtue in bringing about your reformation than a Father Mathew medal. We'll try it." “Well, I aint agoin' to go," said Jim. "I never keeps low company, and you is so cussedly vulgar that they say you have to strike the curb-stones, to force them to keep your society!" This was touching Charley in a tender point; it was a personal aspersion-a misdemeanour of no common magnitude, inasmuch as it was calculated to bring the officers of the law, and, per consequence, the law itself into disrepute. There was, therefore, no further parley between the parties, and Charley's stave, applied divers and sundry times to Jim Joyce's ribs, operated as a motive power to his locomotion until they arrived at the Baronne-street watchhouse. He is now developing the resources of the state in the new 'workhouse. AN ARTIST IN TROUBLE. As Recorder Baldwin was yesterday disposing of some case of ordinary importance, a low, chubby, cabbage-headed Dutchman, and a thin, tall, attenuated man in a seedy black coat, pants to match, and a well brushed faded silk hat entered the office. The first notice of their presence which the court had was the Dutchman telling the tall, thin, attenuated gentleman in the seedy dress and faded silk hat, that he "wash a tam shon of a pitch." |