« AnkstesnisTęsti »
STRUCK BY LIGHTNING.-A lady riding in a carriage a few weeks since, found herself seated by the side of an old matron, who was exceedingly deaf.
"Ma'am," said she, in a high tone, "did you ever try electricity ?" "What did you say, miss ?"
"I asked if you ever tried electricity for your deafness?"
"O yes, indeed I did; it's only last summer I got struck by lightning, but I don't see as it done me a bit of good."
A BAKER'S ADVERTISEMENT.-The baker was genuine who advertised as follows: "The subscriber knowing that men need bread, wishes the public to know that he kneads it. He is desirous of feeding all who are hungry, and hopes his good works may be in the mouth of every one. He is well disposed toward all men, and the best bred people among us will find him, he hopes, one of the best bread men in the city."
TEETH.-The greatest demand of the West being for marriageable young women, a Yankee emigrant, writing to his father at home on the scarcity, proposes a speculation, saying: "Suppose you get our girls some new teeth and send them out, they will, to a dead certainty, make their everlasting fortune in less than no time."
DISTINCTION OF GENDERS.-Punch wittily and slanderously declares that
The sun is called masculine, from its supporting and sustaining the moon, and finding her the wherewithal to shine always as she does of a night, and from his being obliged to keep such a family of stars. The moon is feminine, because she is constantly changing, just like a ship blown about by every wind. The Church is feminine, because she is married to the State; and Time is masculine, because he is trifled with by the ladies.
The following letter was sent by a man to his son at college:
"MY DEAR SON,-I write to send you some new socks, which your mother has just knit, by cutting down some of mine. Your mother sends you ten dollars without my knowledge, and for fear you may not use it wisely, I have kept back half, and only send you five. Your mother and I are well, except your sister has got the measles, which we think will spread among the other girls if Tom had not had them before, and he is the only one left."
A LAZY MAN.-A worthy old citizen of Newport, who had the reputation of being the laziest man alive among "them hillocks," so lazy, indeed, that he used to weed his garden in a rocking-chair, by rocking forward to take hold of the weed, and backward to uproot it, had a way of fishing peculiarly his own. He used to drive his old white-faced mare to the spot where the tautog (black fish) might be depended on for any weight, from two to twelve pounds, backed his gig down to the water-side, put out his line, and when the tautog was safely hooked, started the old mare and pulled him out.
THE ART OF CARPENTRY.-How many common figurative expressions in our language are borrowed from the art of carpentry, may be seen from the following sentence: "The lawyer who filed the bill, shaved the note, cut an acquaintance, split a hair, made an entry, got up a case, framed an indictment, impaneled a jury, put them into a box, nailed a witness, hammered a judge, and bored a whole court, all in one day, has since laid down law and turned carpenter."
The lady tenderly intimated that May was an unlucky month for marrying. "Well, make it June then," honestly replied the swain, anxious to accommodate. The damsel paused a moment, hesitated, cast down her eyes, and said, with a blush, "Wouldn't April do as well?"
POUND AWAY.-"Will you give me them pennies now?" said a big newsboy to a little one, after giving him a severe thumping. "No, I won't," exclaimed the little one. "Then I'll give you another pounding." "Pound away. Me and Dr. Franklin agrees; Dr. Franklin says, "Take care of the pence, and the pounds will take care of themselves."
THE RECENT WARM WEATHER.-It is not the nearer approach of the Gulf Stream to the Atlantic coast which gives the present warm weather. The real reason is connected with the financial crisis-winter has failed, and autumn has got an extension.
SAM ON SUICIDE.-" So you had a bad susancide at your house lass nite, Sam," said a colored gemman, on meeting his colored crony, a waiter at a hotel.
"O, yes, Lemuel, dat we had; it almost scart me into a fit. He was jis from California, wid heeps of noospapers. He cum ober de Jerecipelus by de Niggerauger route, and put up at our house prebious to his 'ribal.' I tort de man was out ob his hed, kase he gub me a shillin' as soon as he laid eyes on me; from dat minit I stuck by him fur fear sum interested pusson might get a hold ob him. De next mornin' as de chamber-maid wus agwane up stairs wid a skuttle ob cole for her breakfass, she smelt lodlum, passin' de man's do'; soon as she smelt dat she smelt a rat. She nocked to de man's do', but no answer. Den she broke de do' doun, and dar laid de man wid he boots on, and in he troat wus a stickin' in a bottle ob lodlum. She hollered, and we all kotched hold ob de bottle and tried to pull it out, but it wasn't to use. We had to send for de sturgeon. De sturgeon cum, and made a
decision here in de neck, nie the borax, which reached as fur as de equilorum reached in de sarcofogus, aud putting a cortven in de decision, gub it a poke wid a dispatchlus, when out flew de bottle, and all was safe."
"What was safe, Sam, de man?"
"No, de bottle; de man wus ded afore de sturgeon cum; but he had to do sumfin to earn a feeler."
"Wus dere anyting found in de pockets, Sam ?"
"How you suppose I know? Do you tink I'd put my hand in to feel? What you mean to insinewate ?"
"O, nuffin; only I neber seed you hab sich good close on afore, dat's all."
Homeopathy has just achieved a great triumph in Little Rock, Arkansas. One of the citizens, being a victim of hypochondria, imagined himself to be a goose, and procuring an egg proceeded to set! The doctors of medicine of the old school were called in, and all their prescriptions proved unavailing. He was bled, but he still would set; he took calomel, but he would set still! A newly-arrived homeopath was now called upon, as a last resort. "Like cures like," is the motto of his school; that is, it takes a goose to cure a goose! He ordered a pair of feather breeches to be worn by the patient, and a dozen eggs! The spell and the eggs were broken together, and the patient was himself again. Very eggs-traordinary, was it not?
The New American Encyclopædia: a popular Dictionary of General Knowledge. Edited by GEORGE RIPLEY and CHARLES A. DANA. The first volume of this great work, from the press of Appleton & Co., has been for some time on our table. It is a large octavo of seven hundred and fifty pages, in double columns. Some idea of the intended extent of the work may be gained from the fact, that although this first volume contains nearly twenty-five hundred distinct articles, biographical, theological, commercial, literary, and historical, it does not reach the end of words beginning with the letter A. The aim of the compilers and their associates is to furnish a condensed exhibition of the present state of human knowledge on
every subject of interest or importance. One of its distinguishing features is the admission of the names of living men with biographical sketches. This will prove an exceedingly delicate part of the editors' work, both with regard to the selection of subjects and the manner of treating them. Thus far no fault can be found in these respects, and the entire Cyclopædia, if carried out as we have reason to expect it will be, must take a permanent place in the standard literature of the age.
To write poetry for children, not childish poetry, is a difficult task. At least so we suppose, from the fact that very little worthy of the name has ever yet appeared. An attractive
little volume, entitled Melodies for Childhood, recently published, contains, with a good deal that, for one reason or another, is not adapted to its purpose, quite a number of very pretty little poems. We copy two of them which, while they will please our juvenile readers, will not be unacceptable to those of mature age:
THE CHILD AND THE ANGELS.
The Sabbath's sun was setting low,
Beyond the earth, beyond the clouds,
"Thy kingdom come," still from the ground,
"Thy will be done," with little tongue,
Forever," still those lips repeat
"O, I am so happy!" a little girl said,
As she sprang, like a lark, from her low trundle-bed:
Who waken'd, this morning, both you and the sun."
Mary kneel'd solemnly down, with her eyes
And two little hands that were folded together,
DR. DORAN, whose former volumes, "Table Traits with Something on them,' Knights and their Ways," and "Monarchs retired from Business," have afforded much mirthful information, has devoted himself to a still broader field of humor. The History of Court Fools is the title of his last production. It abounds with anecdotes, bon mots, and repartees; some of them are new, but the greater portion long since found their way into jest books, and thence into general currency. We give an extract or two as a sample of the whole:
At the court of Elizabeth there was many a cleric of the Vicar of Bray school. and among them Dean Perne, who had oscillated from one faith to another three or four times in about a dozen years, and who never felt in a state of finality anywhere. Perne, with Archbishop Whitgift, was in attendance on the queen one wet day, when her majesty was desirous of going out for a walk. The desire was an unwise one, for
Elizabeth was in ill-health: but the divines were not bold enough to dissuade her. But Clod, the queen's fool, was also present, and he had the courage which the others lacked. "Madam," said he, "Heaven dissuades you, for it is cold and wet; and earth dissuades you, for it is damp and dirty. Heaven dissuades you, too, by this heavenly man, Archbishop Whitgift; and earth dissuades you, by me, your fool, Clod, lump of clay as I am. But if neither can prevail you, here is the Dean Perne, who is neither of heaven nor of earth, but hangs between the two, and he too dissuades you." The above was witty license at the expense of a courtier; but Clod could exercise wit and audacity at the expense of the queen. Elizabeth once reproached him with not altogether fulfilling the duties of his office, "How so?" asked Clod; "in what have I failed?" "In this," answered the queen; you are ready enough to point your sharp satire at the faults of other people, but you never say a word of mine. "Ah!" exclaimed the jester, "that is because I am saved the trouble by so many deputies. Why should I remind your maj esty of your faults, seeing that these are in everybody's mouth, and you may hear of them hourly all, this was not near so bold as the answers which (years after) Whiston used to fling at Queen Caroline, consort of George II. Whiston, if not kept at court like the jester of earlier times, was so frequent a sojourner there, that George II. got weary of this heterodox divine, who did not hesitate to tell him, when the king was inveighing against freedom of inquiry in religious matters, that if Luther had been of that opinion his majesty would never have been king of England. But where I find Queen Caroline and Whiston nearly resembling Queen Elizabeth and Clod, is on that well-known occasion at Hampton Court, when Caroline said to the eccentric divine, that, bold speaker as he was, he was, perhaps, not bold enough to tell her of her faults. Whiston proved that her majesty was mistaken, by denouncing her very unseemly be havior at divine service. Caroline laid part of the blame on the king, acknowledged her fault, promised amendment, and asked what was her next offense. "Nay, madam," said Whiston, "it will be time enough to go to the second fault when you have fairly amended the first!"
Another jester, high in the favor of the virgin queen, was Dick Tarleton, who, says Dr. Doran,
Became as famous and as influential as any official who ever wore clown's suit. Fuller calls him a master of his faculty, who, when Queen Elizabeth was serious, I dare not say sullen, and out of good-humor, he could undumpish her at his pleasure." As in other courts, suitors to the sovereign not unfrequently first presented themselves to the jester. "He was their usher to prepare their advantageous access to her." He doubtless lined his pockets with pistoles thereby; and for his royal pay he also gave good measure of wholesome severities. "He told the queen," says Fuller, "more of her faults than most of her chaplains; and cured her melancholy better than all of her physicians." If the queen adinired Dick, the latter had a great measure of reverence for his mistress. He could compare her, he said, to nothing more fitly than a sculler; for, he added, “neither the queen nor the sculler hath a fellow."
Lost Chapters Recovered from the Early History of American Methodism. By REV. J. B. WAKELEY. The author, in his Preface, informs us that an "old book" that had been lost for many years has recently been found. This "old book" is the basis of the volume before us. It appears to have been a record, kept with singular minúteness and accuracy, of moneys paid and received by the trustees and stewards of the first Methodist Episcopal Church in this city. The original subscription list for the purpose of building "a small house" for the worship of God in John-street, with the names of the donors and the amounts given, varying in sums from thirty pounds to two shillings, and amounting in the whole to four hundred and eighteen pounds three shillings and sixpence, is copied by Mr. Wakeley, with such reminiscences of
many of the donors as he has been enabled to procure. Fac-similes of the signatures of ministers and laymen who were prominent in that day are also given, with brief biographical sketches. Some of the items found in this old book and copied into the volume before us are curious. As, for instance:
1790, March 1. Cash paid for a ticket in the lottery, two pounds.
Did the trustees of the Methodist Church, asks Mr. Wakeley, purchase a lottery ticket? Certainly. Here is the record. What would be thought of an official board who would do it now? They would be execrated; they would be thought sinners above all that dwell in Gotham. Selling lottery tickets, which is now prohibited by law, was not only legalized at the time, but considered an honorable business. Men of the greatest respectability were then engaged in the sale of tickets, and others in purchasing them. And so honorable was it considered, that a number of lotteries were drawn to aid in the erection of houses of worship. They seemed to think it right to take the devil's water to turn the Lord's mill. Who would like the responsibility of hoisting the gate?
"But I would have suppressed this item," says one. Why? "Its publication will disgrace the memory of our fathers." I think not, and therefore have transcribed it for three brief reasons.
First. It is a part of the history. It is on record, written for succeeding generations. Secondly. shows the honesty of our fathers in keeping a faithful record of all their proceedings. Thirdly. It shows the character of the times in which they lived, and the great change in the sentiments of the people since that period. What was considered honorable and lawful then, would be dishonorable and criminal now. Whether they drew a blank or a prize we are not told; probably the former, inasmuch as there are generally more blanks than prizes. This was an experiment; and as we hear no more of it, I think they did not succeed, and concluded there was a better way to raise material aid. This is the first and the last mention of lottery tickets in the "old book."
But the trustees" did a worse thing than the purchase of a lottery ticket. They bought a man, a brother in Christ:
1783, June 10. Paid Mr. Aymar for his negro Peter...... .......£40 00
Peter was their sexton, and they allowed him to refund the money out of his earnings, which he did in less than two years and a half. The trustees, however, did not give him his emancipation paper, which is copied at length by Mr. Wakeley, until thirteen years afterward. Our author says:
It is somewhat strange the trustees should not have emancipated Peter until thirteen years had passed away, when he had paid for himself in two years. We can account for it only in this way, that as Peter had paid for himself, and the fact was so stated on the i trustees' book, they thought it was sufficiently understood that he was his own free man, and they carelessly deferred giving him his emancipation paper. Peter preserved it during his lifetime, as if more valuable to him than gold or diamonds; and it is carefully preserved by his descendants still, as a most precious relic, showing that though their venerated friend was once a slave he lived and died his own FREE MAN.
Many other interesting facts in the early history of Methodism are brought out, and several disputed and hitherto doubtful points are settled by the painstaking researches of the author. His volume is also embellished by engraved portraits of himself, of Peter Williams, the manumitted sexton referred to, and of Captain Webb, the military preacher. Illustrations of various "preaching places"-the old rigging loft, the old John Street Church, Barrat's Chapel, and views of several moderu
The Pulpit and the Pew is the title of a duodecimo volume, sharp and satirical in its style, and we should have thought purely fictitious, but for the author's declaration to the contrary. He assures his readers that the book "is a genuine outgrowth from the rugged soil of reality. Fancy has not framed a line, nor has imagination supplied a link; but it is an unexaggerated transcript of stern experience. Its warp and woof are from the raw material of fact, without even a thread or an edging of fiction. Nor are any of the characters, or incidents, or circumstances invented." The hero of the book, we suppose the author himself, is the pastor of a Congregational Church; and "the Pulpit and the Pew" is a record of hostilities, long and severe, between himself and his people. The pulpit is finally victorious, and the pastor, having gained the day, returns to his home joyously singing:
Sound the loud timbrel o'er Egypt's dark sea,
There are many good things in the volume, but it is not likely to inspire any special admiration for the peculiarities of the Congregational system, nor, so far as we can see, to do much good to anybody.
Darkness in the Flowery Land is a well-written volume on the religious notions and popular superstitions of the Chinese, from the pen of the Rev. M. SIMPSON CULBERTSON, a Presbyterian missionary at Shanghae. Much interesting, and some painfully amusing information is given of the religious rites and observances of the Celestials." The difficulties in the way of Christian missionaries are set forth, and practical observations are made as to the best mode of obviating or lessening them. The work will be specially valuable to those who may devote themselves to the work of carrying the Gospel to that people. A superstition of our own, one that we supposed to have originated in this land, of light seems to prevail there, although the Chinese have not yet carried it to the absurd height which it has reached in this country. Mr. Culbertson says:
Table-turning and spiritual manifestations are not unknown in China. In this, as in many other things, they are in advance of the practitioners among ourselves. The mode of carrying on this operation is somewhat different from that in vogue in the United States. The table is turned upside down, upon a pair of chopsticks, laid at right angles over the mouth of a mortar or bowl, filled with water. Four persons lay one hand upon cach leg of the table, while the other clasps the free hand of one of the four, and thus the circle is completed. An incantation is now chanted
by the "medium," and soon the table begins to move. The "circle" move with it, and in a minute it is whirling violently upon its axis, until it is thrown violently off its balance, and falls upon the floor. The motion of the table is universally attributed to supernatural agency, but it seems not to have been used as a means of communication with the spiritual world.
European Acquaintance: being Sketches of People in Europe. By J. W. DE FORREST. Our author confines himself to descriptions of men and things as he found them in some parts of
Europe, more especially in Grafenberg, whither he went in search of health as well as recreation, and made experiments at the celebrated water-cure establishment. Some of his descriptions are droll, and the comic vein appears to pervade the entire volume. (Harper & Brothers.)
An appropriate present for the afflicted and bereaved, entitled The Bow in the Cloud, from the pen of Rev. J. R. MACDUFF, has been republished from the English edition by the Messrs. Carter. It belongs to a class of books which will always find readers; for the sons and daughters of sorrow are numerous, and there is, for them, no consolation like that which is here presented, as derived from the lessons of Divine inspiration.
Gathered Lilies; or, Little Children in Heaven. A well-written and neatly printed little volume, founded upon the passage in the Song of Solomon, "My beloved has gone into his garden to gather lilies;" admirably adapted to comfort parents who mourn for lilies transplanted into a richer soil. (Gould & Lincoln.)
Debit and Credit is a translation from the German of Gustav Freytag, a novel highly commended in an introductory notice by the Chevalier Bunsen, who considers it "not less of national importance than as a testimony to the dignity and high importance" of the mercantile classes of the community. It is a readable and instructive delineation of some phases of German life, and the story, without much originality in the invention, is gracefully told.
The World of Mind. An Elementary Book. By ISAAC TAYLOR, author of "Wesley and Methodism." Mr. Taylor's reputation, happily for him, does not rest on his "Wesley and Methodism." There he found himself at sea,
and was nearly wrecked. It was, however, his misfortune, rather than his fault, that he did not understand the man or the system which he undertook to describe and to analyze. In the present work he is more at home, and proves himself to be a painstaking writer, as well as a patient and untrammeled thinker. Some of his positions will be questioned, but the student will derive valuable instruction from his pages. The key-note to the volume is indicated in the sentiment: "A philosophy of human nature can have no coherence until it embraces the first principles of a true theology, and by this we can intend nothing else than a Christian theology. (Harpers.)
The Sunday-school editor is indefatigable in his great work of preparing books for juvenile reading; and it is admitted, on all hands, that there is a decided improvement in the character and quality of the publications which pass under his supervision. Original works and carefully prepared compilations are taking the place of mere reprints from English books, which, however well adapted to those for whom they were written, are not always the most suitable for children in our own American Sunday schools. The latest volume for the Youth's Library is numbered six hundred and fortysix, and is called The Story Book: an Album of Stories, Poems, and Anecdotes. Just such a book. as cannot fail to be popular, it is one that admirably blends instruction and amusement.
Bishops of the Methodist Episcopal Church. This beautiful lithographic engraving can be had at any of the Methodist book depositories, or may be ordered direct from the publisher, F. Rand, 36 Washington-st., Boston. It will be carefully done up on a roller, and sent by mail, unless otherwise directed, free of postage. Price one dollar and fifty cents, with one third discount to clergymen and wholesale purchasers.
The Farm and the Flower-Garden.
THE FARM.-The month of April used to be a busy one on the farm, but the last few years have produced many modifications. Plowing, planting early potatoes, and work of that kind, have, perforce, been pushed into May; and the present year will, to all appearance, prove no exception to the new rule. Notwithstanding, we advise our readers to have their manure carted up to the field, their potatoes and seed of various kinds duly prepared, their implements in the best of trim, in order that they may take advantage of fair weather when it does come, and push their spring work through with the least possible delay. Sow barley and oats early, and plant potatoes as soon as the frost is out of the ground. Roll and plaster meadows, and clear off all stones. Look well after your stock, and see that they want for nothing which may add to their well-being or their usefulness on the farm: If hot-beds were made
as directed last month, the young plants will be coming on now, and fresh air should be admitted during the middle of mild, pleasant days; it will gradually harden the plants, and make them stocky and strong. Half-hardy flower seed may be sown in hot-beds, and also such hardy kinds as may be wanted for early bloom. Bring out Dahlia roots as they begin to grow. Uncover such plants as have been protected during the winter, and prune all shrubs and other plants that may need it. Prepare for sowing all kinds of seeds; level such pieces of ground as have lain in ridges during the winter, and begin digging as soon as the frost is out of the ground.
POTATOES, EARLY PLANTING.-Last fall, our readers may remember, we took occasion to express our conviction that early planting was one of the best precautions which could be taken