not pretend to palliate, or excufe the Matter; for I find, by a Calculation of my own Nativity, that I cannot hold out with any tolerable Wit longer than Two Minutes after Twelve a Clock at Night, between the 18th and 19th of the next Month. For which Space of Time, you may ftill expect to hear from me, but no longer, except you will transmit to me the Occurrences you meet with relating to your Amours, or any other Subject within the Rules by which I have propofed to walk. If any Gentleman or Lady fends to Ifaac Bickerstaff Efq; at Mr. Morphew's near Stationers-Hall, by the Penny-Poft, the Grief or Joy of their Soul, what they think fit of the Matter fhall be related in Colours as much to their Advantage, as those in which Gervafe has drawn the Agreeable Chloe. But fince, without fuch Affiftance, I frankly confefs, and am fenfible, that I have not a Month'sWit more, I think I ought, while I am in my Sound Health and Senfes, to make my Will and Teftament; which I do in Manner and Form following:

Imprimis, I give to the Stock-jobbers about the Exchange of London, as a Security for the Trufts daily repofed in them, all my Real Estate; which I do hereby veft in the faid Body of worthy Citizens for ever.

Item, For as much as it is very hard to keep Land in Repair without ready Cash, I do, out of my Perfonal Eftate, bestow the Bear-skin, which I have frequently lent to feveral Societies about this Town, to fupply their Neceffities. 1 fay, I give alfo the faid Bear-skin, as an immediate Fund to the faid Citizens for ever. Item,

Item, I do hereby appoint a certain Number of the faid Citizens to take all the Custom-house or Customary Oaths, concerning all Goods Imported by the whole City, ftrictly directing, That fome felect Members, and not the whole Number of a Body Corporate, fhould be perjured.

Item, I forbid all N-s and Perfons of 2-ty, to watch Bargains near and about the Exchange, to the Diminution and Wrong of the faid Stockjobbers.

Thus far, in as brief and intelligible a Manner as any Will can appear, till it is explained by the Learned, I have difpofed of my Real and Perfonal Eftate: But, as I am an Adept, I have by Birth an equal Right to give alfo an indefeafible Title to my Endowments and Qualifications; which I do in the following Manner :

Item, I give my Chastity to all Virgins who have withstood their Market.

Item, I give my Courage among all who are afhamed of their diftreffed Friends, all Sneakers in Affemblies, and Men who fhew Valour in Common Converfation.

Item, I give my Wit, (as Rich Men give to the Rich) among fuch as think they have enough already. And in cafe they shall not accept of the Legacy, I give it to Bentivolio, to defend his Works from Time to Time, as he shall think fit to publish'em.

Item, I bestow my Learning upon the Hononrary Members of the Royal Society.

Now

Now for the Disposal of this Body.

As these Eyes must one Day ceafe to gaze on Teraminta, and this Heart fhall one Day pant no more for her Indignation: That is to say, fince this Body must be Earth, I shall commit it to the Duft in a Manner Suitable to my Character. Therefore, as there are those who dispute, Whether there is any fuch Real Perfon as Ifaac Bickerstaff or not? I shall excufe all Perfons who appear what they really are, from coming to my Funeral. But all those who are, in their Way of Life, Perfonæ, as the Latins have it, Perfons affumed, and who appear what they really are not, are here by invited to that Solemnity.

The Body fhall be carried by Six Watchmen, who are never seen in the Day.

Item, The Pall fhall be held up by the Six moft known Pretenders to Honesty, Wealth and Power, who are not poffeffed of any of them. The Two First, an Half-Lawyer, a compleat Justice. The Two next, a Chymist, a Projector. The Third Couple, a Treafury Solicitor, and a small Courtier.

To make my Funeral (what that Solemnity, when done to common Men, really is in it felf) a very Farce ; and fince all Mourners are meer Actors on thefe Occafions, I fhall defire those who are profeffedly fuch, to attend me. I humbly therefore befeech Mrs. Barry to act once more, and be my Widow. When she fwoons away at the ChurchPorch, I appoint the Merry Sir John Falstaff, and the Gay Sir Harry Wildair, to fupport her. I defire Mr. Penkethman to follow in the Habit of a

Cardinal, and Mr. Bullock in that of a PrivyCouncellor. To make up the rest of the Appearance, I defire all the Ladies from the Balconies to weep with Mrs. Barry, as they hope to be Wives and Widows themselves. I invite all, who have nothing else to do, to accept of Gloves and Scarves.

Thus, with the Great Charles V. of Spain, I refign the Glories of this Tranfitory World: Yet, at the fame Time, to show you my Indifference, and that my Defires are not too much fixed upon any Thing, I own to you, I am as willing to stay as go: Therefore leave it in the Choice of my Gentle Readers, whether I shall hear from them, or they hear no more from me.

EA

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White's Chocolate-house, April 25. After-Day being a Time when well meet with any but humble Adventures; and there being fuch a Thing as low Gallantry, as well as a low Comedy, Colonel Ramble and my felf went early this Morning into the Fields, which were ftrewed with Shepherds and Shepherdeffes, but indeed of a different Turn from the Simplicity of those of Arcadia, Every Hedge was confcious of more than what the Representations of enamoured Swains admit of. While we were furveying the Crowd around us, we faw at a Distance a Company coming towards Pancras-Church; but tho' there was not much Disorder, we thought we saw the Figure of a Man stuck through with a Sword, and at every Step ready to fall, if a Woman by his Side had not

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fupported him; the reft followed Two and Two. When we came nearer this Appearance, who fhould it be but Monfieur Guardeloop, mine and Ramble's French Taylor, attended by others, leading one of Madam Depingle's Maids to the Church, in order to their Efpoufals. It was his Sword tucked so high above his Waste, and the Circumflex which Perfons of his Profeffion take in their Walking, that made him appear at a Distance wounded and falling. But the Morning being Rainy, methought the March to this Wedding was but too lively a Picture of Wedlock it felf. They feemed both to have a Month's Mind to make the best of their Way fingle; yet both tugged Arm in Arm; and when they were in a dirty Way, he was but deeper in the Mire, by endeavouring to pull out his Companion, and yet without helping her. The Bridegroom's Feathers in his Hat all drooped, one of his Shoes had loft an Heel. In fhort, he was in his whole Person and Dress fo extremely foufed, that there did not appear one Inch or fingle Thread about him unmarried. Pardon me, that the melancholy Object ftill dwells upon me fo far, as to reduce me to Punning. However, we attended to the Chappel, where we stayed to hear the irrevocable Words pronounced upon our Old Servant, and made the best of our Way to Town. I took a Refolution to forbear all married Perfons, or any, in Danger of being fuch, for Four and twenty Hours at leaft; therefore dreffed, and went

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