FRANK.

How is it, Umpire? Though the motto's thread-bare,

“Cœlum non animum”—is, I take it, true.

JACK.

Souvent femme varie," as a rule, is truer ; Flattered, I'm sure, but both of you romance. Happy to further suit of either wooer, Merely observing-you haven't got a chance.

LAWRENCE.

Yes. But the Pipe

FRANK.

The Pipe is what we care for,

JACK.

Well, in this case, I scarcely need explain, Judgment of mine were indiscreet, and there fore,

Peace to you both. The Pipe I shall retain.

IF I were you, when ladies at the play, sir,

Beckon and nod, a melodrama through, I would not turn abstractedly away, sir, If I were you!

FRANK.

If I were you, when persons I affected,

Wait for three hours to take me down to Kew

I would, at least, pretend I recollected,

If I were you.

NELLIE.

If I were you, when ladies are so lavish,
Sir, as to keep me every waltz but two,
I would not dance with odious Miss M'Tavish,
If I were you!

FRANK.

If I were you, who vow you cannot suffer
Whiff of the best,-the mildest "honey-dew,"
I would not dance with smoke-consuming Puffer
If I were you!

NELLIE.

If I were you, I would not, sir, be bitter,
Even to write the "Cynical Review";-

FRANK.

No, I should doubtless find flirtation fitter,

If I were you!

Really!

NELLIE.

You would! Why, Frank, you're

quite delightful,

Hot as Othello, and as black of hue ; Borrow my fan. I would not look so frightful, If I were you!

FRANK.

"It is the cause." I mean your chaperon is
Bringing some well-curled juvenile. Adieu!
I shall retire. I'd spare that poor Adonis,
If I were you!

NELLIE.

Go, if you will. At once! And by express, sir Where shall it be? To China-or Peru? Go. I should leave inquirers my address, sir, If I were you!

FRANK.

No, I remain. To stay and fight a duel
Seems, on the whole, the proper thing to do ;-
Ah, you are strong,-I would not then be cruel,
If I were you!

NELLIE.

One does not like one's feelings to be doubted,—

FRANK.

One does not like one's friends to mis

construe,

NELLIE.

If I confess that I a wee-bit pouted?—

FRANK.

I should admit that I was piqué, too.

NELLIE.

Ask me to dance!

I'd say no more about it,

If I were you!

[Waltz-Exeunt.