THE DIFFERENCE.-"My dear sir," said Drumsticks to a young gentleman who had just been made the father of a bouncing baby, my dear sir, can you tell me in what your present position varies from that of the same individual, one year ago?" "Can't say that I can, Drumsticks." The two most precious things on this side o' the grave are cha racter and life; anc it is to be lamented th th most contemptible whisper may deprive us of the one, and the weakest weapon of the otherr. Foote, praising the hospitality of the Irish, after one of his trips to the sister kingdom, a gentleman asked him if he had been at Cork. "No, sir," said Foote, "but I have seen many drawings of it." be home to dinner that it is one of his fast days. A muff is a thing that holds the softest hand without squeezing it. A MUSICAL JUDGE.-A certain judge, having been called on at a public meeting for a song, regretted it was not in bis power to gratify the company. A wag who was present observed that he was much surprised at the refusal, as it was notorious that numbers had been transported by the judge's voice T.-Those ladies who have a passion for tea parties should re "I will tell you. One year ago you were a sighing lover; now you member that tattle begins with t. are a loving sire!" It is said that some mothers in America have grown so affectionate, that they give their children chloroform previous to whipping them. A nervous old man whose life was made miserable by the clattering of two rival blacksmiths, prevailed upon each of them to remove, by the offer of a liberal pecuniary compensation. When the money was paid down, he kindly inquired what neighborhood they intended to remove to? " Why, sir," replied Jack, with a grin on his phiz, “Tom Smith moves to my shop, and I move to his!" "My dear wife, I wish you would try to keep your temper." During the Crimean war a woman went to a grocer's shop, and in A man who was imprisoned for bigamy complained that he had beer severely dealt with for an offence which carries its own punishment. Josh Billings says, "When once axed if I believed in the final salvation of men, I sed, ' Yes—but let me pick the men." What is the difference between perseverance and obstinacy? Ans-One is a strong will and the other a strong won't. Foote expressed the belief that a certain miser would take the beam out of his own eyes if he could sell the timber. An able physiologist has written that one fifth of the human body is composed of phosphorus. Punch remarks, that most likely ac counts for the number of matches. The head of a turtle, for some time after its separation from the body, retains and exhibits animal life and sensations. An Irishman decapitated one, and afterwards was amusing bins by putting proceeding, exclaimed: "Dear me !" said the woman. "have they got to be fighting by sticks in its mouth, which it oit with violence. A lady who saw the candlelight?" A BOOK FOR PRIVATE CIRCULATION ONLY-The late King of Prussia once rent to an aide-de-camp. Coione: Malachowki, who was brave but poor, a smail portfolio, bound like a book, in which were deposited five hundred crowns. Sometime after he met the officer, and said to him, "Ah, well, how did you like the new work which I sent you?" "Excessively, sire," replied the colonel. "I read it with such interest that I expect the second volume with impatience." The king smiled, and when the officer's birthday arrived he pre Fented him with another portfolio, similar in every respect to the first, but with these words engraved upon it: "This work is com. plete in two volumes." "Sam," said one little urchin to another, "Sam does your school maste ever give you any rewards of merit?" "I'spose he does," was the rejoinder; "be gives me a thrashing regularly every day, and says I merit two." THE TOOTH OF TIME." When Nineveh has departed, and Palmyra is in rains; when Imperial Rome has fallen, and the Pyramids themselves are sinking into decay, it is no wonder," sighed a French humorist, "that my old black coat should be getting seedy at the elbows." Teacher. "What part of speech is the word ' egg?'" "What is its gender?" NOVEL ECONOMY.-A new system of economy is related to have been discovered by a savant of the Jockey Club. He noticed a poor man with a wooden leg one day walking past his hotel, and gave him a franc. The next day he saw the supposed beggar, but he had changed the wooden leg from the right to the left leg. Enraged at the deception, he went up to the man, and exclaimed, "You rascal, you had the wooden leg on the other leg yesterday! You are not lame at all" "Monsieur." was the response, with dignity, "I never raid I was. I wear a wooden leg for economy, so as not to wear out my trousers, and I change the leg, to prevent one leg of the trousers wearing out before the other." "Mother," said a little fellow the other day, "is there any harm in breaking egg-shells?" "Certainly Lot, my dear; but why do you ask?" "'Cause I dropped the basket just now, and see what a mess I am in with the yolks!" "Now, gentlemen," said Sheridan to his guests, as the ladies left the room," let us understand each other. Are we to drink like men or beasts?" Some what indignant, the guests exclaimed, “Like men, of course." "Then," he replied, "we are going to get jolly drunk, for brutes never drink more than they want." "I wonder," said a woman of humor, "why my husband and I quarrel so often? for we agree uniformly in one point-he wishes to be master, and so do I." " "Why, Patrick, I thought the turtle was dead ?'' "I suppose,' said a quack, while teeling the pulse of a patient. "Mamma says it is not polite to ask for cake," said a little boy. "No," was the reply: "it does not look well in little boys to do so." "But," said the urchin, "she didn't say I must nor eat a piece if you gave it to me.' apprentices, who will be treated as one of the family." The oldest newspaper in the world is published in Pekla. It is printed on a large sheet of silk, and, it is said, has made a weekly apppearance for upwards of a thousand years. CALL IT GUILTY. in a recent case of assault the defendant pleaded guilty. "I think I must be guilty," said he, "because the plaintiff and me were the only ones there were in the room, and the first thing I knew I was standing up, and he was doubled over on the floor. You'd better call it guilty." Old Madame Rothschild, mother of the great capitalists, attained the age of ninety-eight. Her wit, which was remarkable, and her intellectual faculties, which were of no common order. were preserved to the end. In her last illness when surrounded by her family, her physician being present, she said in a suppliant tone to the latter: "Dear doctor, try to do something for me." "Madame, what can I do? I can't make you young again." "No, doctor. I don't want to be young again, but I want to con. tinue to grow old." ARITHMETICAL PROBLEMS. If five and a half yards make one Pole, how many will make a Rus sian? If forty perches make one rood, how many will make one polite ? If seven days make one week, how many will make one strong? An eccentric party, of which Douglas Jerrold was one, agreed to have a supper of sheeps' heads. One gentleman present was par ticularly enthusiastic on the excellence of the dish; and, as he threw down his knife and fork, shouted, "Well, sheeps heads for ever. say I!" "There's egotism!" exclaimed Jerrold. A gentleman said a few days ago to a friend, "Let us go to-night to see the girls at the opera." His more gallant friend replied, “Would it not be better to say, "Let's go and see beauty in tiers?" A drunkard went the other day and signed the pledge. This had so depressing an effect on the receipts of a tavern keeper, with whom the reformed one had had extensive dealings, that the said landlord was shortly after compelled to rush to the nearest pawnbroker's and pledge the sign. "There are ties which never should be revered," as the ill-used wife said when she found her b:ute of a husband hanging in the hay loft. A witticism that has been circulated in many forms, originated with Lord Brougham, when he said that Lord Campbell's practice of writ ing the Lives of the Chancellors of England had added a new terror to death. We saw a boy the other day borrow a stick of candy from a comrade to show him that he could pull it out of his ear. He swal lowed it, and then twisted himself about in various ways to ex tract it, but at length informed his companion that he had forgotten that part of the trick. Said an old customer afflicted with a bad cold to a pharmaceutist of whom he had bought various kinds of mix. tures to no purpose, "I must take up a subscription among my friends to pay the medi. cine bill." "I think," rejoined the proprietor of the mortar and pestle, 66 your friends would rather pay for your coughing." A gentleman passing through one of our public offices was affronted by some clerks, and was advised to complain to the principal, which he did, thus: "I have been abused here by some of the rascals of this place, and I came to acquaint you of it, as I understand you are the principal." A poor Frenchman being aroused from his sleep by his wife, with the cry, "Get up Baptiste, there's a robber in the house," calmly answered, "Don't let us molest him. Let him ransack the house, and if he should find anything of value, we'll take it away from him." If a low chap affront you, feel no anger and give no rebuke; one is not obliged to "pitch into" a ditch because it happens to lie_before him. GRONDOM MOTION WWWWWWW of the Indian tribes, in A CASE OF REAL DISTRESS. The females of some order to keep silence, fill their mouths with water. Our women fill theirs with tea, and gos Flora can see a letter from him, but cannot get it for at least ten minutes, because sip more than ever. When buying a pair A gentleman, in advertising for a wife, says: "It would be well if the lady were possessed of a competency sufficient to secure her against excessive grief in case of an accident occurring to her companion." Prentice wishes that some thorough admirer of Jeff Davis would answer us this question-How can a man be his wife's mother? "How far is it to Taunton ?" asked a countryman, who was walk. ing exactly the wrong way to reach the town." 'Bout twenty-four thousand miles," said the lad he asked, "if you are going the way you are going now; about a mile, if you turn round." "Jim, I believe Sambo's got no truth in him." "You don't know; dere's more truth in dat nigga dan all de rest on de plantation." "How do you make dat?" "Why, he neber let's any out." An Irishman complained to his physician that he stuffed him so much with drugs, that he was sick a long time after he got well "Lassie," said a Cockney tourist in Scotland to a barefooted peasant girl," Do all the people in these parts go barefooted?" settler he got for a reply. If considered out of your mind-taank heaven you have a mind to be out of. Words without deeds are like the husks without the seeds. A master without a cane is like a rider without the rein. Thackery, when speaking about fame, would frequently tell the following anecdote: When at dinner in St. Louis one day, he heard one waiter at the hotel say to another, "Do you know who that is ?" "No," was the answer. "That is the celebrated Mr. Thacker." "Blessed if I know," was the reply. FIG. 1.-Dress and paletot of alpaca, trimmed around the bottom of both with loops of ribbon put on at intervals, and surmounted by a ruche of silk. Epaulets of the same on the coat sleeves. Straw bonnet trimmed with ribbon and velvet flowers. Fig. 2.-Bayadère striped silk. The corsage has three long basques, trimmed around with beaded gimp, and the ends ornamented with drop buttons. The corsage is worn with a little BREAKFAST CAP OF PUFFED TULLE. PAGE 157. plain silk waistcoat. Bonnet of English straw, with a straw net inclosing the hair at the back, over which red and yellow roses are placed. Fig. 3.-Little girl's dress of white nansouk, with ten small tucks above the hem. The waist is plaited, and above it is worn a corslet formed of fine bands of black velvet, crossed by crimson velvet. It is the same front and back. Fig. 4. Dress of Russian leather-color foulard, or mohair, of the Gabrielle style. The front breadth is without the deep flounce which ornaments the back and sides, and is headed by black velvet, inclosed between bands of narrow cashmere galoon. The sametrimming is arranged up the entire front of the dress, in graduated lengths. BREAKFAST OAP OF WHITE TULLE. PAGE 157. terial as the dress, with coat sleeves-all trimmed with revers | nating at the pack in a deep square jacket; it is trimmed of silk to match the skirt. Straw bonnet, studded with jet beads, and trimmed with blue ribbon. Fig. 7.-Stella hat of Belgian straw, of the empress shape, with a crystal star in front, and blue and white streamers at the back. Dress of dotted foulard-blue and white-scalloped around the skirt, and trimmed with two rows of blue silk-the lower double the width of the upper. Under waist and sleeves of plain white foulard, trimmed around the neck, arm-holes, and down the front with bands of blue silk. Corslet of silk to match the skirt, with a belt of blue silk fastened with a pearl buckle, and with ends all around, graduated in length, and edged with fringe. Fig. 8.-Leghorn bonnet, trimmed with bands of velvet, tassels and lace. Silk dress and pardessus, trimmed with a flounce put on in fancy festoons, and headed with velvet sprinkled with jet or steel beads. A simulated cape of two widths of velvet, with drop buttons, ornament the waist. Coat sleeves trimmed to match the skirt. Fig. 9.-A foulard or alpaca dress with a ruche above the hem. A small casaque trimmed with a ruche upon the edge; epaulets and sleeves. A pink tulle bonnet; a wreath formed with black ribbons; similar ribbons falling in plaits at the back. Fig. 10.-A grey linos dress over a petticoat of the same material. The skirt is looped up with gimp bands, and trimmed with narrow black ribbon velvet. The paletot is ornamented to correspond. The hat is bordered with black velvet, and trimmed with three buttons; light kid boots. Fig. 11.-Dress of light purple silk; on the left side, the skirt opens its entire length, on a breadth of maize-color silk; on each side of the opening is a Greek border of maize-color silk, edged with a very narrow black velvet, and on one side only of the border, an edging of narrow black lace: the maize-color silk montant is ornamented at the bottom by two flutings of the same silk, headed by two rows of narrow black velvet and black lace. The body, in the front, is of the senorita form, termi entirely round by a band of maize-color silk, edged with narrow velvet and black lace, the skirt having also two rows of six buttons in passementerie, blue with a black centre. Waistcoat of maize-color silk, closing with black silk buttons, and trimmed with narrow lace and black velvet. The sleeves are small, the cuff forming a Greek border, the epaulet to correspond. Bonnet of fulled silk, with a fall of blonde at the back, a group of marguerites at each side, and ends of pink ribbon. Blonde cap with marguerites and broad strings. Fig. 12.-This dress represents the front view of the preceeding figure, showing the style in which the waistcoat is cut. Fig. 13.-Dress of Magenta silk, with a puffed band of silk around the bottom of the skirt, ornamented with rows of steelgimp trimming. High round corsage, the trimming forms a jacket in front and a belt at the back, fastened by a rosette with four long ends. Jet buttons, encircled with steel, ornament the front and sleeves, and three are placed on the back plait, just below the waist. Empire style of head-dress, composed of three bands of Magenta silk, studded with steel. Fig. 14.-Dress of mauve silk, trimmed around the bottom of the skirt and up each seam with rows of lilac silk, edged with narrow white silk cord. High corsage, very open basques in front, and very much pointed at the back. Coat sleeves. Chip bonnet, trimmed with velvet and flowers. The Fig. 15.-Dress of pearl gray silk; the skirt is scalloped at the bottom, and bound with blue silk; the space between the scallops is filled by quillings of blue silk, and in each scallop a group of flowers is embroidered in blue. The caraco, or loose jacket, is cut square, closing at the throat only; it is edged with blue and has a flower embroidered in the corners. sleeves are open at the back of the arm, the corners left square, they are edged with blue, and have a flower embroidered to correspond with the caraco; the epaulet is formed by a quilling of blue silk. Chemisette and sleeves of plaited muslin. Ceinture of broad blue ribbon, with large gold buckle. Fig. 16.-Dress of striped black and white silk and plain the paletot, and is in fact one with it, being stitched to it at the side and shoulder seams; the edges are all bound with bright green silk, and it closes by seven mother-of-pearl buttons; the pockets have the edges bound, and buttons to correspond; the paletot is fastened to the waistcoat by five large mother-of-pearl buttons. Leghorn hat, bound with green velvet; a green velvet band with a bow and ends at the back; in front a butterfly in mother-of-pearl, white and green feathers on the left side. Fig. 18.-Dress of light green silk; the bottom of the skirt is trimmed with shells of silk, finished off at the top by a bow of lace. Russian jacket, trimmed Underwith ruches and lace. waist and sleeves of white muslin. Wide belt. Chip bonnet, trimmed with velvet. |
