Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deferve to be your Porter. Ford. I will tell you, Sir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good Mafter Broom, I fhall be glad to be your Servant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a Scholar, I will be brief with you, and you have been a Man long known to me, tho' I had never fo good Means as Defire to make my felf acquainted with you: I fhall difcover a thing to you, wherein I muft very much lay open mine own Imperfections; but, good Sir John, as you have one Eye upon my Follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the Regifter of your own, that I may pafs with a Reproof the eafier, fith you your felf know how eafie it is to be fuch an Offender. Fal. Very well, Sir, proceed. Ford. There is a Gentlewoman in this Town, her Hufband's Name is Ford. Fal. Well, Sir. Ford. I have long lov'd her, and, I proteft to you, beftow'd much on her, follow'd her with a doating Obfervance, ingrofs'd Opportunities to meet her, fee'd every flight Occafion that could but niggardly give me fight of her; not only bought many Prefents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what he would have gi ven: Briefly, I have purfu'd her, as Love hath purfu'd me, which hath been on the Wing of all Occafions. But whatfoever I have merited, either in my Mind, or in my Means, Meed I am fure I have received none, unless Experience be a Jewel I have purchas'd at an infinite rate, and that hath taught me to say this. "Love like a Shadow flies, when Subftance Love purfues; "Pursuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you receiv'd no Promife of Satisfaction at her Hands? Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importun'd her to fuch a Purpo? Fal. Of what Quality was your Love then? Ford. Like a fair Houfe built on another Man's Ground, fo that I have loft my Edifice, by mistaking the Place where I erected it. Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this to me? Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some fay, that tho' fhe appear honeft to me, yet in other Places fe enlargeth her Mirth fo far, that there is threwd Conftruction made of her. Now, Sir John, here is the Heart of my Purpose: You are a Gentleman of excellent Breeding, admirable Difcourfe, of great Admittance, au thentick in your Place and Perfon, generally allow'd for your many War-like, Court-like, and learned Preparations. Fal. O. Sir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it; there is Mony, fpend it, fpend it, spend more, fpend all I have, only give me fo much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable Siege to the Honefty of this Ford's Wife; ufe your, Art of Wooing, win her to confent to you; if any Man may, you may as foon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the Vehemence of your Affection, that I fhould win what you would enjoy? Methinks you prescribe to your felf very prepofteroufly. Ford. O, understand my drift; the dwells fo fecurely on the Excellency of her Honour, that the Folly of my Soul dares not prefent it felf; fhe is too bright to be look'd againft. Now could I come to her with any Detection in my Hand, my Defires had Inftance and Argument to com mend themfelves; I could drive her then from the Ward of her Purity, her Reputation, her Marriage-Vow, and a thousand other her Defences, which now are too strongly embattail'd againft me. What fay you to't, Sir John? Fal. Mafter Broom, bwill firft make bold with your Mony; next, give me your Hand; and laft, as I am a Gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's Wife. Ford. O good Sir! Fal. I fay, you fhall. Ford. Want no Mony, Sir John, you fhall want none. Fal. Want no Miftrefs Ford, Mafter Broom, you fhall want none; I fhall be with her, I may tell you, by her own Appointment. Even as you came in to me, her Affiftant, or Go Go-between, parted from me; I fay, I fhall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rafcally Knaye, her Husband, will be forth; come you to me at Night, you fhall know How I fpeed. Ford. I am bleft in your Acquaintance: Do you know Ford, Sir? Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldy Khave, I know him not: Yet I wrong him, to call him poor; they fay, the jealous wittolly Knave hath maffes of Mony, for the which his Wife feems to me well-favour'd. I will ufe her as the Key of the Cuckold-Rogue's Coffer; and there's my Harvefthome. Ford. I would you knew Ford, Sir, that you might avoid him, if you faw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical-falt-butter Rogue; I will ftare him out of his Wits; I will awe him with my Cudgle; it fhall hang like a Meteor o'er the Cuckold's Horns. Mafter Broom, thou fhalt know I will predominate over the Pefant, and thou fhalt lye with his Wife: Come to me foon at Night; Ford's a Knave, and I will aggravate his Stile: Thou, Mafter Broom, fhalt know him for Knave and Cuckold; come to me foon at Night., [Exit. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean Rafcal Is this; My Heart is ready to crack with Impatience. Who fay's this is improvident Jealoufie? My Wife hath fent to him, the Hour is fixt, the Match is made; Would any Man haye thought this? See the Hell of having a falfe Woman; my Bed fhall be abus'd, my Coffers ranfack'd, my Reputation gnawa at, and I fhall not only receive this villainous Wrong, but fand under the adoption of abominable Terms, and by him that does me the Wrong. Terms, Names; Amaimon founds well, Lucifer well, Barbafon well, yet they are Devils additions, the Names of Fiends; but Cuckold, Witol-Cuckold! the Devil himself hath not fuch a Name. Page is an Afs, a fecure Afs, he will truft his Wife; he will not be jealous: I will rather truft a Fleming with my Butter, Parfon Hugh, the Welch, man, with my Cheese, an Irish-man with my Aqua vite Bots tle, or a Thief to walk my ambling Gelding, than my Wife with her felf: Then the plots, then the ruminates, then he devifes; and what they think in their Hearts they may ef fect, they will break their Hearts but they will effect. Heas L 4 ven ven be prais'd for my Jealoufie. Eleven o'Clock the Hour I will prevent this, detect my Wife, be reveng'd on Fal Staff, and laugh at Page: I will about it; better three Hours too foon than a Minute too late. Fie, fie, fie; Cuckold, Cuckold, Cuckold. [Exit. SCENE III. Enter Caius and Rugby. Caius. Jack Rugby! Rug. Sir. Caius. Vat is de Clock, Jack? Rug. 'Tis paft the Hour, Sir, that Sir Hugh promis'd to meet. Caius. By gar, he has fave his Soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: By gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Rug. He is wife, Sir; he knew your Worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de Herring is no dead fo as I vill kill him; take your Rapier, Jack, I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, Sir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villany, take your Rapier. Rug. Forbear; here's Company. Enter Hoft, Shallow, Slender and Page. Hoft. 'Blefs thee, Bully-Doctor. Shal. 'Save you, Mr. Doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? Hoft. To fee thee fight, to fee thee foigne, to fee thee traverse, too see thee here, to fee thee there, to fee theepafs thy Puncto, thy Stock, thy Reverfe, thy Diftance, thy Montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my Francifco? Ha, Bully? What fays my Efculapius? my Galen? my Heart of Elder? Ha? is he dead, Bully-ftale? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de Coward Jack-Priest of de Vorld; he is not fhow his Face. Hoft. Hoft. Thou art a Castalion-king-Urinal: Hector of Greece. my Boy. Cains. I pray you bear Witness, that me have ftay fix or feven, two tree Hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wifer Man, Mr. Doctor; he is a Curer of Souls, and you a Curer of Bodies: If you should fight, you go against the hair of your Profeffions: Is it not true, Mafter Page? Page. Mafter Shallow, you have your self been a great Fighter, tho' now a Man of Peace. Shal. Body-kins, Mr. Page, tho' I now be old, and of Peace, if I fee a Sword out, my Finger itches to make one; tho' we are Juftices, and Doctors, and Church-men, Mr. Page, we have. fome Salt of our Youth in us; we are the Sons of Women, Mr. Page, Page. 'Tis true, Mr. Shallow. Shal. It will be found fo, Mr. Page. Mr. Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home; I am fworn of the Peace; you have fhew'd your felf a wife Phyfician, and Sir Hugh hath fhown himself a wife and patient Church-man: You muft go with me, Mr. Doctor. Hoft. Pardon, Guest-Justice; a Monfieur Mock-water. Caius. Mock-water? Vat is dat ? Hoft. Mock-water, in our English Tongue, is Valour, Bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much Mock-water as de English-man, Scurvy-Jack-dog-Priest; by gar, me vill cut his Ears. Hoft. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, Bully. Cains. Clapper-de-claw? Vat is dat? Hoft. That is, he will make thee amends. Caius. By gar, me do look he fhall clapper-de-claw me; for by gar, me vill have it. Hoft. And I will provoke him to't, or let him wag. Hoft. And moreover, Bully; but firft, Mr. Gueft, and Mr. Page, and eek Cavalerio Slender, go you through the Town to Frogmore. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Hoft. He is there; fee what Humour he is in; and I will bring the Doctor about the Fields: Will it do well? Shal |