And therefore I, the author of this miraculous treatife, having hitherto, beyond expectation, maintained, by the aforefaid handle, a firm hold upon my gentle readers; it is with great reluctance that I am at length compelled to remit my grafp; leaving them in the perufal of what remains to that natural ofcitancy inherent in the tribe. I can only affure thee, courteous reader, for both our comforts, that my concern is altogether equal to thine, for my unhappiness in lofing, or miflaying among my papers, the remaining part of thefe memoirs ; which confifted of accidents, turns, and adventures, both new, agreeable, and furprifing; and therefore calculated, in all due points, to the delicate taste of this our noble age. But, alas with my utmost endeavours I have been able only to retain a few of the heads. Under which there was a full account, how Peter got a protection out of the King's-bench; and of a reconcilement between Jack and him, upon a defign they had in a certain rainy night to trepan brother Martin into a spunging-house, and there frip him to the fkin*; how Martin, with much ado, fhewed them both a fair pair of heels; how a new warrant came out againt Peter; upon which, how Jack left him in the lurch, ftole his protection, and made use of it himfelf. How Jack's tatters came into fashion in court and city; how he got upon a great horfe†, and

*In the reign of K. James II. the Presbyterians, by the King's invitation, joined with the Papifts against the church of England, and addreffed him for repeal of the penal laws and teft. The King, by his difpenfing power, gave liberty of confcience, which both Papifts and Prefbyterians made ufe of. But upon the revolution, the Papifts being down of courfe, the Prefbyterians freely continued their affemblies, by virtue of K. James's Indulgence, before they had a toleration by law. This, I believe, the author means by Jack's fealing Peter's protection, and making use of it himself.

Sir Humphry Edwyn, a Prefbyterian, was fome years ago Lord Mayor of London, and had the infolence to go in his formalities to a conventicle with the enfigns of his office.

ate

ate cuftard*. But the particulars of all thefe, with feveral others, which have now flid out of my memory, are loft beyond all hopes of recovery. For which misfortune, leaving my readers to condole with each other, as far as they fhall find it to agree with their feveral conftitutions; but conjuring them by all the friendship that hath paffed between us, from the title page to this, not to proceed fo far as to injure their healths, for an accident paft remedy; I now go on to the ceremonial part of an accomplished writer; and therefore, by a courtly modern, left of all others to be omitted.

THE CONCLUSION.

GOING too long is a caufe of abortion, as effectual, though not fo frequent, as going too fhort; and holds true efpecially in the labours of the brain. Well fare the heart of that noble Jefuit† who first adventured to confefs in print, that books must be fuited to their several feafons, like drefs, and diet, and diverfions: and better fare our noble nation, for refining upon this among other French modes. I am living faft to fee the time, when a book that miffes its tide, fhall be neglected, as the moon by day, or like mackarel a week after the feafon. No man hath more nicely observed our climate, than the bookfeller who bought the copy of this work. He knows to a tittle what fubjects will beft go off in a dry year, and which it is proper to expofe foremost when the weather-glafs is fallen to much rain. When he had feen this treatise, and confulted his almanac upon it, he gave me to understand, that he had manifettly confidered the two principal things, which were, the bulk and the fubject and found it would never take, but after a long vacation; and then only, in case it should happen to be a hard year for turnips. Upon which I defired to know, confidering my urgent neceffities, what he thought might be acceptable this month. He looked weftward, *Custard is a famous dish at a Lord Mayor's feast. It Pere d'Orleans.]

and

and faid, "I doubt we fhall have a fit of bad weather "however, if you could prepare fome pretty little ban"ter, but not in verfe, or a fmall treatife upon the-, "it would run like wild fire. But if it hold up, I have already hired an author to write fomething against Dr. B-tl-y, which I am fure will turn to account*.

At length we agreed upon this expedient, That when a cuftomer comes for one of these, and defires in confidence to know the author; he will tell him very private ly, as a friend, naming which ever of the wits shall hap pen to be that week in the vogue; and if Durfey's last play fhould be in courfe, I had as lieve, he may be the perfon as Congreve. This I mention, because I am wonderfully well acquainted with the prefent relifh of our courteous readers; and have often obferved, with fingular pleasure, that a fly, driven from a honey-pot, will immediately, with very good appetite, alight, and finith his meal on an excrement.

I have one word to fay upon the fubject of profound writers, who are grown very numerous of late; and I know very well the judicious world is refolved to lift me in that number. I conceive therefore, as to the bufinefs of being profound, that it is with writers, as with wells; a perfon with good eyes may fee to the bottom of the deepeft, provided any water be there; and that often when there is nothing in the world at the bottom, befides drynefs and dirt, though it be but a yard and half under ground, it fhall pafs however for wonderous deep, upon no wifer a reafon than because it is wonderous dark.

I am now trying an experiment very frequent among modern authors; which is, to write upon nothing: when the fubject is utterly exhausted, to let the pen still move on; by fome called, the ghoft of wit, delighting

When Dr. Prideaux brought the copy of his connexion of the Old and New Teftament to the bookfeller, he told him it was a dry subject, and the printing could not fafely be ventured, unless he could enliven it with a little hu

mour.

to

And to fay the

By

to walk after the death of its body. truth, there seems to be no part of knowledge in fewer hands, than that of difcerning when to have done. the time that an author has wrote out a book, he and his readers are become old acquaintance, and grow very loth to part; fo that I have fometimes known it to be in writing, as in vifiting, where the ceremony of taking leave has employed more time than the whole converfàtion before. The conclufion of a treatife refembles the conclufion of human life, which hath fometimes been compared to the end of a feaft; where few are fatisfied to depart, ut plenus vitæ conviva: for men will fit down after the fulleft meal, though it be only to doze, or to fleep out the reft of the day. But, in this latter, I differ extremely from other writers; and fhall be too proud, if by all my labours I can have any ways contributed to the repofe of mankind, in times fo turbulent and unquiet as thefe*. Neither do I think fuch an employment fo very alien from the office of a wit, as fome would fuppofe. For among a very polite nation in Greecet, there were the fame temples built and confecrated to Sleep and the Mufes, between which two deities they believed the ftrictest friendship was established.

I have one concluding favour to request of my reader, That he will not expect to be equally diverted and informed by every line or every page of this difcourfe; but give fome allowance to the author's fpleen, and short fits or intervals of dulnefs, as well as his own; and lay it seriously to his confcience, whether, if he were walking the streets in dirty weather or a rainy day, he would allow it fair dealing in folks at their eafe from a window, to critic his gait, and ridicule his dress at such a juncture.

In my difpofure of employments of the brain, I have thought fit to make invention the master, and to give method and reason the office of its lacqueys. The cause * This was wrote before the peace of Ryfwick. It Trezenii, Paufan, 1. 2.]

of

of this distribution was, from obferving it my peculiar cafe, to be often under a temptation of being witty, upon occafion where I could be neither wife nor found, nor any thing to the matter in hand. And I am too much a fervant of the modern way, to neglect any fuch opportunities, whatever pains or improprieties I may be at, to introduce them. For I have obferved, that from a laborious collection of feven hundred thirty eight flowers and fhining hints of the best modern authors, digefted with great reading into my book cf common places, I have not been able, after five years, to draw, hook, or force into common converfation, any more than a dozen. Of which dozen, the one moiety failed of fuccefs, by being dropped among unfuitable company; and the other coft me fo many trains, and traps, and ambages to introduce, that I at length refolved to give it over. Now, this disappointment, (to discover a fecret), I must own gave me the first hint of fetting up for an author; and I have fince found among fome particular friends, that it is become a very general complaint, and has produced the fame effects upon many others. For I have remarked many a towardly word to be wholly neglected or defpifed in difcourfe, which hath paffed very smoothly, with fome confideration and esteem, after its preferment and fanction in print. But now, fince, by the liberty and encouragement of the prefs, I am grown abfolute maiter of the occafions and oppor tunities to expole the talents I have acquired, I already difcover, that the iflues of my obfervanda begin to grow too large for the receipts. Therefore I fhall here pause a while, till I find, by feeling the world's pulse, and my own, that it will be of abfolute neceffity for us both to refume my pen.

END OF THE TALE OF A TUB.