Puslapio vaizdai

Toby, the kindest soul in all the town,
Gave it a jerk that almost jerked it down.
He waited full two minutes-no one came;

He waited full two minutes more ;-and then,
Says Toby, "If he's deaf, I'm not to blame;
"I'll pull it for the gentleman again."

But the first peal 'woke Isaac in a fright,
Who, quick as lightning, popping up his head,
Sat on his head's Antipodes, in bed,

Pale as a Parsnip,-bolt upright.

At length, he, wisely, to himself doth say,-calming his fears,"Tush! 'tis some fool has rung and run away;"

When peal the second rattled in his ears!

Shove jumped into the middle of the floor;

And, trembling at each breath of air that stirred, He groped down stairs, and opened the street-door, While Toby was performing peal the third.

Isaac eyed Toby, fearfully askant,—

And saw he was a strapper stout and tall,

Then put this question ;-" Pray, sir, what d'ye want ?”
Says Toby,-"I want nothing, sir, at all."

"Want nothing!-Sir, you've pulled my bell, I vow,
"As if you'd jerk it off the wire."

Quoth Toby,-gravely making him a bow,—



I pulled it, sir, at your desire.”

"At mine!"-" Yes, your's; I hope I've done it well;
High time for bed, sir: I was hastening to it;
"But if you write up Please to ring the bell,
"Common politeness makes me stop and do it."


OFT has it been my lot to mark
A proud, conceited, talking spark,
With eyes that hardly served at most
To guard their master 'gainst a post,
Yet round the world the blade has been
To see whatever could be seen,
Returning from his finished tour,
Grown ten times perter than before:


Whatever word you chance to drop,
The travelled fool your mouth will stop,
Sir, if my judgment you'll allow-


"I've seen-and sure I ought to know"So begs you'd pay a due submission, And acquiesce in his decision.

Two travellers of such a cast, As o'er Arabia's wilds they past, And on their way in friendly chat, Now talked of this and then of that, Discoursed a while, 'mongst other matter, Of the Chameleon's form and nature. “A stranger animal,” cries one, "Sure never lived beneath the sun : "A lizard's body lean and long, "A fish's head, a serpent's tongue, "Its foot with triple claw disjoined ; "And what a length of tail behind! "How slow its pace! and then its hue"Who ever saw so fine a blue?"

"Hold there!" the other quick replies, ""Tis green-I saw it with these eyes, "As late with open mouth it lay, "And warmed it in the sunny ray ; "Stretched at its ease the beast I viewed, "And saw it eat the air for food."

"I've seen it, sir, as well as you, "And must again affirm it blue. "At leisure I the beast surveyed, "Extended in the cooling shade."

"'Tis green, 'tis green, sir, I assure ye”— "Green!" cries the other in a fury

Why, sir,-d'ye think I've lost my eyes?” ""Twere no great loss," the friend replies; 66 For, if they always serve you thus, "You'll find 'em but of little use." So high at last the contest rose, From words they almost came to blows: When luckily came by a thirdTo him the question they referred; And begged he'd tell 'em, if he knew, Whether the thing was green or blue.


66 Sirs," cries the umpire, cease your pother "The creature's neither one nor t'other,

"I caught the animal last night,
"And viewed it o'er by candlelight:

"I marked it well-'twas black as jet-
"You stare-but sirs, I've got it yet,
"And can produce it."—" Pray, sir, do :
"I'll lay my life the thing is blue.”
"And I'll be sworn, that when you've seen
"The reptile, you'll pronounce him green."
"Well then, at once to end the doubt,"
Replies the man, "I'll turn him out:
"And when before your eyes I've set him,
"If you don't find him black, I'll eat him."
He said; then full before their sight

Produced the beast, and lo!-'twas white. MERRICK.


A MAN in many a country town we know,
Professing openly with death to wrestle :
Entering the field against the grimly foe,
Armed with a mortar and a pestle.

Yet some affirm, no enemies they are;
But meet just like prize-fighters in a fair,
Who first shake hands before they box,
Then give each other plaguy knocks,
With all the love and kindness of a brother.
So (many a suffering patient saith)
Though the Apothecary fights with death,
Still they're sworn friends to one another.

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His fame full six miles round the country ran,
In short, in reputation he was solus !

All the old women called him "a fine man!"-
His name was Bolus.

Benjamin Bolus, though in trade,

(Which oftentimes will genius fetter),

Read works of fancy, it is said,

And cultivated the Belles Lettres.

And why should this be thought so odd ?
Can't men have taste who cure a phthysic?
Of poetry though patron God,

Apollo patronizes physic.

Bolus loved verse, and took so much delight in't,
That his prescriptions he resolved to write in't.

No opportunity he e'er let pass

Of writing the directions on his labels,
In dapper couplets, like Gay's Fables;
Or rather like the lines in Hudibras.

Apothecary's verse!—and where's the treason?
'Tis simply honest dealing;—not a crime ;
When patients swallow physic without reason,
It is but fair to give a little rhyme.

He had a patient lying at death's door,

Some three miles from the town, it might be four

To whom, one evening, Bolus sent an article,

In pharmacy, that's called cathartical.

And on the label of the stuff

He wrote this verse;

Which one would think was clear enough

And terse,

"When taken,

"To be well shaken."

Next morning, early, Bolus rose;

And to the patient's house he goes
Upon his pad,

Who a vile trick of stumbling had :
It was indeed a very sorry hack;
But that's of course;

For what's expected from a horse
With an apothecary on his back?

Bolus arrived, and gave a double tap,
Between a single and a double rap.

Knocks of this kind

Are given by gentlemen who teach to dance;
By fiddlers, and by opera-singers:


One loud, and then a little one behind,

As if the knocker fell by chance
Out of their fingers.

The servant let him in, with dismal face,
Long as a courtier's out of place—

Portending some disaster;

John's countenance as rueful looked, and grim,
As if the Apothecary had physicked him,
And not his master.

<< Well, how's the patient?" Bolus said. John shook his head.

"Indeed?-hum !-ha!-that's very odd; "He took the draught?"-John gave a nod! "Well-how?-What then?-Speak out, you dunce !"—

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66 Why then," says John, we shook him once.' "Shook him!-how?" Bolus stammered out:

"We jolted him about."

"Zounds !-shake a patient, man-a shake won't do."

No, sir-and so we gave him two." "Two shakes!-odds curse!

""Twould make the patient worse."

"It did so, sir-and so a third we tried."


Well, and what then ?"-" Then, sir, my master-died.”


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