a lavender shirt, and lavender socks. What was to me pathetically symbolic, he wore gray spats and shell glasses pendent upon a wide braid. He wore a watch-chain composed of little platinum balls connected with invisible gold links. To be quite honest, our David was a notably well-dressed man, one that any woman might be proud to accept as an escort. He bore the atmosphere of being an ambassador or a trust president. There was no criticism of the new Dave; only we were mystified as to how this subdued and elegant man had hatched from our rugged and careless David Gates of eight months before. But inside the transformed garments, one was aware of a spiritual amenableness. Whereas he had been an austere personality, with individuality protruding from every word and gesture, he was now merely an affable, stereotyped, sweet-mannered gentleman of fifty.

"When we got to my study after dinner and had talked generalities for an hour, my curiosity drove me to the plunge, and I asked him about himself, relying on long friendship to save the question from impertinence.

"Dave, it does n't seem like you to be all dangled up like the leader of the band.' "Jim, I expected you 'd speak of the change in me, and I counted on explaining it to you, because I know you must have worried over the falling off in my work, just as I would have worried over you if our places had been reversed. And you have a right to be shocked by these ornamental clothes and knickknacks I tote around. But I want to tell you about my married life for your own sake, Jim, because you and I were similar characters, and sometime you might consider getting married. It is just because I think a lot of you, old fellow, that I'd like you to know in advance what sort of deal a man like you must expect marriage to be.

"Jim, for eight months I have been in pure hell. I have n't skipped any of the way stations or back alleys; I 've been all through it. But I begin to see the pink of heaven ahead. If I did n't, I could n't say what I'm going to say. I'd die biting my tongue rather than seem to welch on my wife. I loved my wife when we were married, but I love

her a whole lot more to-day, and that is the reason I can tell you what I 've weathered.

"It began the second morning after we were married. We had gone up to the mountains, you may remember, and when I opened my eyes that morning the sun was sailing up, and it was a peach of a day for a ride or golf. I jumped out of bed about seven, the usual time that Mrs. Titcombe woke us, gave Janet a playful punch to wake her, and exclaimed, in what I thought was the light tone of a happy groom, "Wake up, honey; we are wasting good sunshine in sleeping." I had finished my shower before I noticed her. The little girl was crying. She said that she had never dreamed that she had married a brute, a man who would wake her up in the middle of the night and want her to rush outdoors and thrash around like a farm laborer. I sat down on the bed to comfort her. I sat there until nine o'clock before she seemed pacified. Then I got up to shave. You know I have always set store by the clean feeling of a good shave to start the day. She called me back in a cooing voice, and said that she had a little favor to ask, just a tiny one. Of course I acquiesced in advance. asked me if I would n't shave in the evening instead of in the morning, because I looked cleaner for dinner and did not scratch her when I kissed her in the evening, as she had a very tender skin. It was nine-thirty, and I was almost giddy with hunger. I lighted my pipe. You know I have smoked every morning while dressing for the last twenty years. Janet gave a little moan and buried her head in the pillow. """Oh, how could you! how could you!" I heard her crying.

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She

"""No, honey, of course I'm not going to leave you; but it 's nearly ten o'clock, and if you will slip something on, maybe we can get into the dining-room before it closes." She gave me a startled look.

"""But I 've had my breakfast in bed ever since I was a little girl," she said.

"Well, Jim, I won't go through these eight months in detail, but every day has been an eye-opener to me. You know I've always slept with the windows open; but the night air hurts Janet's throat, so we keep the windows shut, We have breakfast in bed at nine, which, Janet says, is the hour when civilized men and women eat. We have coffee and a roll. I have always slept under two light blankets; but Janet feels the cold and needs two comforters in addition, so I lie and steam. Sometimes I wake up at two or three o'clock in the morning and hold my arms and one foot out of bed to reduce my temperature so that I will not melt.

I shave

presents. The things that I had deliberately deleted from my wardrobe as an unnecessary incubus she seized upon to buy. She assumes that I have never thought to get them or could n't afford them. This thing, for instance,'-he fingered the chain of platinum balls,-'came first. I hate it, but what can a man do? You know I would n't be found dead at a dog fight wearing a curio like this, so I mislaid it the morning after she presented it; but she came running after me and snapped it on. That little girl had taken money which was given her by her aunt for a fur coat, and had bought this chain in the unselfishness of her precious little heart, because she thought I did n't wear one because I could n't afford one that was elegant enough. I ask you, what can a man do? When I went down town wearing that chain, I could not have felt more conspicuous with a string of sleigh-bells around my neck. A dozen times that day I swore at it. It violated every taste I have, but I could n't help thinking of that dear girl, chilly for lack of

her fur coat, warmed by the feeling that she had sacrificed her comfort to make her man happy.

"She studied the papers for the advertisements of men's sales, and then studied my bureau-drawers to see what I needed. When we went to the theater, she used to cut out the page where it describes what the nobby men are wearing this week. I used to rave and foam and say I would n't wear the damned things that she brought home. Sometimes she 'd cry, and then I 'd apologize and promise anything, and we'd kiss and wipe our noses and begin again, and she 'd pat my head and say it was only her dear boy's unselfishness, which wanted her to have all the pretties. Or sometimes she turned icy, and said that she had associated with gentlemen all her life, and, as she was forced to go about with me, she might be expected not to want to be an object of ridicule to her friends, with a husband who dressed like a teamster. I used to explain that I'd let her wear whatever she wanted, and would never force horrible junk on her, and could n't she let me dress myself. She would get a far-away expression in the eye and sigh. Oh, she would be so proud if only I did care how she looked, and did try to show my love by a little practical helpfulness.

"About this time she picked up a bargain in men's underclothes, lovely, hairy ones for the December mornings. Well, you know I have never worn anything but light stuff since I escaped from mother, but I had a slight cold at the time, and that proved the point for Janet. She felt that she had some rights in preventing her own widowhood. She laid the underwear proudly on a chair, so that they would be all ready for me to jump into in the morning. I did not jump. I lay in bed a long time, meditating whether to leave home or wear the cursed things. The tyranny of that woman was past belief. Next day I pretended to be sick, and stayed in bed until I should decide upon a course. All this affectionate dictation as to what I should do and wear, how I should play, where spend my evenings-I was never to put my foot on a chair, or knock out a pipe on the rug, and always get the right tie with the right socks, shirt, and

pin, and a hundred other imbecilities. You may smile, but life was unbearable. "I am wearing those woolen shirts and drawers. The day that I lay in bed pretending to be sick Janet did not leave me for a second. Honestly, that girl loves me to death. She lavishes all the thought and care of an ardent young personality on my helpless, middle-aged carcass. She has had an invalid father for fifteen years, and she knows the masterful manner to adopt toward dependents. She thought that she was being an ideal wife, and she was being nothing but a nuisance. That afternoon she made herself pretty in a nurse's uniform, and read aloud from a lovestory for three hours. And I only wanted to be let alone to think out an editorial. I got a cold sore from having the thermometer in my mouth and biting it.

"Before dinner I put on the underclothes and walked around the block. I had hoped to go out alone for a quiet think, but she said that I must be weak after being sick, and she would steady my arm. My brain and soul were in a turmoil. Should I leave that place and that woman, which had become like a prison and a jailor to me? With all my heart I wanted to be back with you, Jim, and Mrs. Titcombe. But I come of three generations of Massachusetts deacons, and the sense of respectability is powerful. My mother is alive, and a scandal would prostrate her. In our family, time out of mind, the men folk have stayed married until death. Besides that, I was a grown man and I loved my wife, and I might as well play up. But those woolen shirts about wrecked our marriage. The boys in the office thought I had St. Vitus's dance.

"My work was getting poor. I did not get down to the office until the middle of the morning, and there was no time at home to think. That girl was devotion itself; I cannot conceive of a thing a woman should do for a man which she was n't eager to do. If she omitted anything, it was because her imagination did n't function. Usually she would drop in for lunch with me, to see that I got the right sort of food. She would order and serve the meal, and the amount I ate kept my brain heavy until

three o'clock. I did n't like to be late home in the evening, for she made it a point to be waiting at six o'clock, with the buttons in my shirt, and my shaving-tools laid out. She is young, and likes to see something of life in the evening. I have learned to dance at a place she takes me on Saturday after

noons.

"An odd thing about Janet is that, for all her docility and girlish ways, her ideas get put into practice. The people who are under her influence, without knowing exactly how, find themselves carrying out her plans. Twenty times I have revolted, but I always calm down in surrender. What 's the use of quarreling forever? She loves me, and I love her, and she is always able to show me that little personal matters are of second consequence compared with a big love.

"The final event, before I abdicated and became a neuter, grew out of Janet's desire that I get intimate with her family. After that experience, I quit resisting her, and relinquished every taste and habit which twenty years of solitary life had given me. Now I will eat what is put before me and wear what I find in my dresser and cross every t and dot every i of whatever schedule of engagements my wife wants to arrange. Today I will do it gladly, but it came hard. Once I had a feeling of being a victim led to the altar, but now I know that it makes my wife happy. I love her, and these are small matters that don't hurt any one.

"Her brother lives in West Summit, New Jersey, and Janet said very prettily that she wanted the two men who meant the most in her life to be "chums"

-that was her word. I said I would do my best, although I could n't tell her the truth, that chums are made in heaven and not by a bubble that floats to the top of a wife's brain. He lives in a smallish stucco house, with his wife and two children and one or two domestics. They believed in going in for country life, and his wife's hobby is police dogs, of which she had seven, and his hobby is chickens, which, by the morning chorus, must be all males. Janet's plan was for the two families to spend week-ends together, one week

they coming to us, and the next week we going to them. We always did our part. On the Saturdays that they were to come to us it always happened that a child was sick or a dog was to have puppies, so that they could n't leave home. For two months we spent alternate Sundays in West Summit. Frankly, old fellow, I could n't sleep out there. The man and his wife were dull people,you never yet saw a man who raises chickens whose brains did n't wilt,and the food was bad; but we could forgive all that. But I could n't sleep. One of the children had whooping-cough, the dogs kept hearing burglars in the next town, the chickens began welcoming the sun before I went to bed. The guest-room bed was lumpy, and the D. L. & W. tracks were not a hundred yards distant.

"One Saturday evening, after we had listened to the talking-machine and heard the children rehearse their part for the May-day exercises and had played a rubber of bridge, I felt completely fed up with Janet's family and the suburbs. I called her up-stairs.

row.

"""Honey, I am bored to death by this vacuous squandering of time, and I am not going to stay here over to-morFred and his wife don't want us, they are cross and their servants are cross, and I have had a heavy week and am going home to get a night's rest and to-morrow have a Christian Sunday." She did not melt as she sometimes did when I was irritable. She froze up.

"""Very well," she said, "if that is the way you feel toward me and my family, I am glad to know it. If you had any love for your wife, you would n't be thinking of your everlasting comfort. You can not only go for Sunday; you can stay away until you come to your

senses.

"""Right-o," I snapped. "I am off." "I had my bag strapped in a jiffy, and had explained to Fred that an important despatch had been forgotten and must be sent out of the office before midnight. By luck I got a train that was pulling out, sat down among all the good, comfortable, dirty mechanics in the smoker, put my feet on the opposite seat, and began to smoke. For three

minutes I was exhilarated. It was like coming out of school the day before the long summer vacation. No more school bells, no jail or jailor, no cloying chains of a woman's unresting love. But after the exuberance, I grew ashamed. I had left my wife in anger, left her away from home, with luggage to carry, maybe humiliated her before her family, and all because of her innocent plans that a family group should grow intimate. At Jersey City there was a train returning to West Summit, and I stepped aboard, contrite, and ready to kiss the hem of her skirt in apology.

"Fifteen minutes after I had left Fred's, my wife dissolved in tears and sobbed that she had driven her husband away. Fred carried her bag to the station, and she caught the eleven-ten train, the last train in from West Summit that night. And when, forty minutes later, I walked humbly into Fred's house and asked whether Janet was up-stairs, they began to giggle. I suppose it was funny, these lovers' quarrels

of the middle-aged. Learning that Janet had gone to town, I said that I 'd manage to get to New York somehow, and I did at four o'clock in the morning, having walked two miles, ridden eight miles in a village taxi, and twelve miles in the trolley. Meanwhile my wife, not finding me in our apartment, had concluded that I had resolved on a bona fide get-away, and, half-hysterical, had vibrated all night between the Grand Central and Pennsy stations. We were two emotional derelicts when we fell into each other's arms in our own sitting-room at six-thirty o'clock that Sunday morning.

"The miracle was that I still loved my wife in spite of her pestiferousness, and that she still loved me in spite of my sulkiness. The hours between our angry parting at West Summit and our reunion at home had been an agony for us both. Therefore I decided that, if we were to have any peace, one of us must vacate his personality, and I would be the one. Janet was congenitally