The Billingsgate Muses indignant to find

Catalani, and fiddlers from Paris,

Usurping their place; in revenge have combin'd,
To kick up this dust in the popular mind,
So fatal to Kemble and Harris.

What surly Brown Bear has not gladly receiv'd
The misers who old prices stick to?

At Bow-street what knight is not sorely aggriev'd,
Where Christians are cross'd, unbelievers believ'd,
O story mirabile dictu!

To mix in this warfare, regardless of fear,
What 'prentice or clerk is unwilling;

From Smithfield and Wapping what heroes appear, Who fight, I acknowledge, for all they hold dear, When the object of war's the last shilling?

What fists of defiance the pugilists wield;
What Jews have not had bloody noses?
What victim of law, who to Mainwaring yields,
But gladly for ever would leave Cold-Bath Fields,
To fight here pro ARIS et focis?

But gently, my Muse: hush your angry-ton'd lyre,
From rows so disgraceful remove,

And seated at home by your own parlour fire,
Let beauty and claret your numbers inspire
To melody, laughter, and love.

BOOK I. ODE XXXVIII.

گر

Persicos odi, puer, apparatus ; &c.

MERE, waiter, I'll dine in this box,
I've look'd at your long bill of fare,

A Pythagorean it shocks,

To view all the rarities there.

H.

I'm not overburthen'd with cash,
Roast beef is the dinner for me,
Then why should I eat calipash,

Or why should I eat calipee?

Your trifles no trifle I ween,

To customers prudent as I am; Your peas in December are green, But I'm not so green as to buy 'em.

With veni'son I seldom am fed,

Go bring me the sirloin, you ninny; Who dines at a guinea a-head,

Will ne'er by his head get a guinea.

THE JE N' SAIS QUOI.

FINDING sad fault with all the graces,
Young Love, a little urchin boy,
Declar'd he hated pretty faces,

Without the charming Je n' sais quoi.

Quoth Venus, laughing at his prate,
"Hey-day, shall you, an upstart boy,
And blind too, talk at such a rate,
And all about this Je n' sais quoi ?

"Does it 'mid roses' petals grow?
Or Philomel's sweet note employ?
Gives it the peach its ruby glow?
Say, have I got this Je n' sais quoi ?

"In the bright sparkle of the eye, Or in the dimpled cheek of joy,

Or in the bosom's pensive sigh,

O! say, dwells there this Je n' sais quoi ???

"O! yes, Mamma, but do not chide
The folly of your simple boy,
Who feels unable to decide,

What rightly is this Je n' sais quoi.

"But this I know, in JULIA's eye,
In JULIA's dimpled cheek it plays,
And gives a grace, I know not why,
To all she does and all she says."

A COVENT-GARDEN QUIBBLE.

MR. LEES on hearing that SIR CHARLES PRICE, a man in years, was one of the Committee to enquire into the necessity of the late rise on the Pit and Boxes,

SIR CHARLES is one, it argues well!

We've justice in a trice!

And I in after-times will tell

How I obtain❜d old PRICE!

Bank, Oct. 1.

CATO'S SANDAL.

From the French.

A SERVANT of Cato's ran to him one day,
And told him with looks of surprise and dismay,
That a rat, not contented with stealing his candles,
Had, the preceding night, eaten one of his sandals.

"My friend," replied Cato, "there's nothing in that
To excite your surprise, so prithee be calm ;

But had one of my sandals devoured a rat,

You might then, I'll allow, have express'd some alarm."

H. W. QUIZ.

OXFORD QUIBBLE;

ON THE OXFORD STRABO

Oxford Editor loquitur.

THE more deform'd (for I will say so)
So much more perfect is the STRABO.†

2

EPITAPH.

POOR JACK, alas! could boast of nought,
When Death knock'd at his portal;
If Nature's debt had been a-groat,
He would have been-immortal!

Liverpool, Oct. 14, 1809.

R. H.T.

THE COURT OF JUSTICE.

"BELOW the Bar, silence! keep silence! I say,
You make so much noise, that the Judge you will stun;

For tho' he's decided nine causes to-day,

His Lordship declares that he has not heard one!"

H. W. QUIZ.

* See the last Edinburgh Review.

+ Strabo was a name, among the Romans, given," says Lempriere, "to such as were deformed." The Oxford Strabo, for instance! The Latin word strabo signifies one with goggle eyes, or who squints, and of course sees nothing right, viz.—the Oxford Editor-who being himself a Strabo, was, of all persons living, the most fit to edit Strabo, on the principle of None but a poet should edit a poet! All the Oxonian bucks, (a very near-sighted, ugly race) are now, when absent from Oxford, called Stray beaux.

MEMORANDA DRAMATICA.

NEW THEATRE ROYAL, COVENT-GARden.

We continue our history of the six-day war. At present we are in the fifth.

PLACARDS.

"No live stock from Italy.-Up with King George, and down with King John.--John Bull against John Kemble, &c. &c.-Raising the Wind, the part of Jerry Diddler by John Kemble."

There was one which reached from the upper boxes to the pit. At various periods fresh devices were exhibited, viz. A caricature of Mr. Kemble and Mr. Harris, in Macbeth and Banquo.

"Mac. Thou canst not say I did it.” my soul a d-d lie!”

"Ban. A lie, a bl-d lie upon

"Old prices, the only basis upon which the public will negociate a peace with John Kemble.”—“ Old prices or empty benches."-" Angels and ministers of grace defend us from the new prices!"

"No Kembles !"-" Performers, support us, and we'll support you.” The opposition appears to strengthen, and to be systematized. It is said that a committee is appointed to conduct its operations. Between the first and second act of the farce, a gentleman in the lower-box lobby addressed the people.

This was the last speech. The lungs of the orators of former nights being probably under the care of the apothecary. The disappoint ment was relieved by a new display of bills:

"Let there be no new prices."-" No relaxation, but old prices.""Let them perform to empty benches, "Twill bring the Managers to their senses."-" No compromise: come to the point.”—“ Are not the Managers the cause of the disturbance? They ought to be sent to Bowstreet."—"No Italian depravity, or French duplicity; native talent; old prices."--" Would there be a rise of prices, if Old Drury was not burnt?"

A dance, instead of a song, made up the finale, which assisted much in kicking up a dust, and destroyed all the green cloth on the seats of the pit. Some ladies, elegantly dressed, and commonly called modest, were seen actively employed in fostering the popular cause. The Theatre was emptied before eleven.

Sept. 23. Woodman.-Raising the Wind*.

* Here terminated one whole week-such a week as no dramatic anmals can parallel :-as Grizzle says, "'twas whirlwind all. Havock, let loose the