CONJUGAL FELICITY.

DOCTOR Johnson, in one of his letters to Mrs. Thrale upon the subject of marriage, says, "that he believes there would be fewer unhappy ones, if the Lord Chancellor had the power of uniting each pair according to their characters and circumstances, without either being permitted to have a choice of their own." As far as character and circumstances depend, the Doctor's opinion is incontrovertible; though I believe few men would be inclined to cherish an affection for women who were forced into their arms. For compulsion of every kind is so obnoxious to human nature, that from mere opposition each party would rebel.

A custom formerly prevailed in one part of England of presenting a flitch of bacon to the happy pair, who could make oath that they had lived in perfect harmony for a twelve-inonth and a day, which was presented to them by the Lord of the Manor of Little Dunmow in Essex, in the abbey church. In what year this ceremony was originally instituted appears not to be accurately known; but Fitz-Walter was the name of the first donor of the Bacon; and the persons who received it were to take the following oath, kneeling upon two sharp stones. I swear, by the custom of our confession, That I never made a nuptial transgression; Nor, since we were made man and wife ; By household brawls, or contentious strife,

Otherwise in bed or board,

Offended each other, in deed, or in word;
Or since the parish clerk said, amen,
Have wished ourselves unmarried again
And for a twelvemonth and a day,
Repented not in thought or way;
But continued true in our desire,

As when we joined hands in the holy choir.
And to these conditions, without all fear,
Of our own accord we freely swear,

That we have a right the bacon to receive,
And will bear it hence, with your love, and good

leave.

Previous however to this singular oath being taken, a jury of six men and six maidens assembled in the abbey church, for the purpose of hearing, from the friends of the parties, whether they really deserved the reward. If, from the accounts they received, the happy pair were thought worthy of this honour, they were then chaired in the true electioneering style, preceded by the clergyman, the Lord of the Manor, &c. &c. and the reward of conjugal felicity borne before them upon a high pole.

The first claim which was made upon the Lord of the Manor of Dunmow was in the twenty-sixth year of Henry the Sixth's reign; and the last who received it was a woolcomber of the name of Shakeshanks, in 1751.

THE mouth of a beautiful woman is thus described by one of the most gallant noblemen, and elegant poets, of the age in which he lived:

Her mouth so small, when she does speak,

Thou'dst swear her words her teeth did break,
That they might passage get;

But she so handled still the matter,
They came as good as ours, or better,
And are not spent a whit.

I HAVE SEEN.

I HAVE seen many things which I pretended not to see. I have often smiled and frolicked with those whom I disliked. I have experienced ingratitude in serving men who were reckoned virtuous, and I have seen the most stupid and empty babblers succeed greatly beyond their deserts.

I have seen women sacrifice the honour of their husbands to the most unprincipled gallants. I have seen miserable fribbles obtain from them favours which they refused to men of genuine merit and delicacy. I have seen many men squander their fortune, and ruin themselves for women, who laughed at them, and gave themselves to their rivals for nothing.

I have seen delicacy of sentiment prove mischievous, and treachery be of great avail. have seen that, in love, folly is more advantageous than reason.

I have seen ladies attach guilt to men who were innocent, and load with their favours those who had wronged them. In short, I have seen so many things contradictory to good sense, and I am so much convinced that the most cruel sufferings often proceed from the most noble desires, that my angry heart no longer inspires any strains but those which are bitter as the recollections with which it is filled.

FOR THE POLYANTHOS.

Lucubrations of Nehemiah National.

No. IV.

As I care little what others think of men and things, if I am pleased with my own no tions, I shall proceed in my literary journey as I please, change my direction when I please loiter when I please, stop when I please, and travel as slow or as fast as I please: or, to speak more poetically,

As the various fits

Of humour seize me, from philosophy To fable shift; from serious Antonine To Rabelais' ravings, and from prose to song. It is however a matter of exceeding great grief to me, that any of my brethren of the

quill, those all-learned gentlemen styled criticks, should chance to prick their acute noses while sagaciously employed in rooting up my poor productions, and then say I concealed the thorn on purpose to wound them. I assure these gentlemen it is far from being the case; that I am a harmless man, and intend injury to no one; but if a man is knocked down by running against my post in the dark, I see no reason why he should blame me for planting it.

It is my serious intention to oblige the world with a long, elaborate, learned, critical and curious lucubration or work, upon the art of teethshewing the origin of teeth shewing, its progress from the time of Adam to Noah, from Noah to the establishment of the Roman Empire, from that period to the dark ages, and from thence to modern times, when it has ar rived to such a high pitch of refinement. To which is to be added by way of appendix a Philosophical Disquisition upon teeth shewing, as practised by the inhabitants of Africa. As this treatise would however ask a Folio to do it justice, and require such labour of research, such industry, such penetration and sagacity, I must lay it by for the present, and content myself with giving a few outlines and making a few superficial remarks. If the publick however, (the ladies in particular and those animals of the butterfly genus termed fops and beaux) would but extend their patronage that I may be enabled tot adire labores, to undergo such mighty