The Dead Napoleon

BY WILLIAM M. THACKERAY.

Tell me what find we to admire
In epaulets and scarlet coats,
In men because they load and fire,
And know the art of cutting throats?

And what care we for war and wrack,
How kings and heroes rise and fall?
Look yonder; in his coffin black,

There lies the greatest of them all!

He captured many thousand guns;

He wrote "The Great" before his name; And dying only left his sons

The recollection of his shame.

Though more than half the world was his,
He died without a road his own;

And borrowed from his enemies
Six feet of ground to lie upon.

He fought a thousand glorious wars,
And more than half the world was his,
And somewhere, now, in yonder stars,
Can tell, mayhap, what greatness is.

Constancy

"You gave me the key of your heart, my love; Then why do you make me knock? "Oh, that was yesterday, Saints above! And last night-I changed the lock!"

-John Boyle O'Reilly.

The Eagle's Song

BY RICHARD MANSFIELD.

The lioness whelped, and the sturdy cub
Was seized by an eagle and carried up
And homed for awhile in an eagle's nest,
And slept for awhile on an eagle's breast,
And the eagle taught it the eagle's song:
"To be staunch and valiant and free and strong!

The lion whelp sprang from the eerie nest,
From the lofty crag where the queen birds rest;
He fought the King on the spreading plain,
And drove him back o'er the foaming main.
He held the land as a thrifty chief,
And reared his cattle and reaped his sheaf,
Nor sought the helps of a foreign hand,
Yet welcomed all to his own free land!

Two were the sons that the country bore
To the Northern lakes and the Southern shore,
And Chivalry dwelt with the Southern son,
And Industry lived with the Northern one.

Tears for the time when they broke and fought!
Tears was the price of the union wrought!

And the land was red in a sea of blood,

Where brother for brother had swelled the flood!

And now that the two are one again,

Behold on their shield the word "Refrain!"
And the lion cubs twain sing the eagle's song,
"To be staunch and valiant and free and strong!"
For the eagle's beak and the lion's paw

And the lion's fangs and the eagle's claw,

And the eagle's swoop and the lion's might,
And the lion's leap and the eagle's sight,
Shall guard the flag with the word "Refrain!"
Now that the two are one again!

Here's to a cheer for the Yankee ships!
And "well done, Sam," from the mother's lips!

Preacher Preferred Cash

ANONYMOUS.

The knot was tied; the pair were wed,
And then the smiling bridegroom said
Unto the preacher, “Shall I pay
To you the usual fee to-day,

Or would you have me wait a year
And give you then a hundred clear,
If I should find the marriage state
As happy as I estimate?"

The preacher lost no time in thought,
To his reply no study brought,
There were no wrinkles on his brow;
Said he, "I'll take $3.00 now."

Three Little Chestnuts

ANONYMOUS.

Three little chestnuts, lying on the ground

At least so the story's told,

The first said, "Ah!" and the second said, “Oh!” And the third said, "E! Ain't it cold!"

Three little chestnuts crowded in a pail,

Then thrust in a boiling pot—

The first said "Ah!" and the second said, “Oh!” And the third said, "Ee! Ain't it cold!"

Three little chestnuts seized by naughty Sam,
Who swallowed them all for a lark,—

The first said, "Ah!" and the second said, "Oh!"
And the third said, "Ee! Ain't it dark!"

The Alarm

ANONYMOUS.

His eye was stern and wild; his cheek was pale and cold as clay;

Upon his tightened lip a smile of fearful meaning lay.
He mused awhile, but not in doubt; no trace of doubt
was there;

It was the steady, solemn pause of resolute despair!
Once more he looked upon the scroll, once more its words

he read;

Then calmly, with unflinching hand, its folds before him

spread.

I saw him bare his throat, and seize the blue, cold gleaming steel,

And grimly try the temper'd edge he was so soon to feel. A sickness crept upon my heart, and dizzy swam my

head;

I could not stir-I could not cry-I felt benumb'd and

dead!

Black, icy horrors struck me dumb, and froze my senses

o'er;

I closed my eyes in utter fear, and strove to think no

more.

Again I look'd: a fearful change across his face had

pass'd;

He seemed to rave-on cheek and lip a flaky foam was

cast.

He raised on high the glittering blade; then first I found a tongue;

"Hold, madman! stay the frantic deed!" I cried and forth I sprung.

He heard me, but he heeded not; one glance around he

gave;

And ere I could arrest his hand, he had-begun to shave!

A

Slow

KIND-HEARTED clergyman asked a convict how he came to be in jail. The fellow said, with tears in his eyes, that he was coming home from prayer-meeting, and sat down to rest, fell asleep, and while he was asleep there the county built a jail around him, and when he awoke the jailer wouldn't let him out.

Here is another story of a minister, which is told by the Rev. J. P. Brushingham:

An English theologian and Wesleyan was in the habit of carrying with him a strong bottle of pepper-sauce, the very strongest he could find. He would not trust to that furnished by the hotels. One day a guest said to him: "Please pass those peppers over this way."

"Why, I beg your pardon, but that is my private property."

"Well, give a fellow a taste of it, anyway." He tasted it and then said after a moment, "You are a preacher, are you not?"

"Yes."

"An orthodox preacher ?"

"I am so taken and accepted."

"You believe in hell-fire?"

"Well, I feel it incumbent upon myself to warn the impenitent of their danger."

"You believe in a literal hell-fire?"

"I so interpret the Scriptures.'

"Well," said the guest, "I have met your kind before, but I never before met a man who carried his samples with him."

One more story about a minister, and this one tells of how one minister dealt with that perplexing problemthe man who sleeps in church:

One of Peter Glass' parishioners, a farmer of the name of Cowan, was remarkable for the habit of sleeping during the sermon. Whenever Mr. Glass observed him asleep, he stopped his sermon, and desired a neighbor of the guilty person to awake him. Mr. Cowan was very