That teacher is the dumbdest goose
That Cupid ever turned eout loose;
His learnin' hain't no sort o' use

In sparkin' our Jemimy!
Tho peekin's 'ginst the golden reule,
He told us t'other day in scheol
To watch him close; so git a steool
An' stand up here close by me.

Neow he's got suthin' in his head
That somehow ruther's gotter be said;
Keeps hitchin' up, an' blushin' red.
With one leg over t'other.

He wants to do the thing up breown.
Wall, he's the biggest gawk in teown:
Showin' her pictur's upside deown;
An' she don't know it nuther!

He's got his arm areound her chair,
And wonders if she'll leave it there.
But she looks like she didn't care!
I'll bet he's goin' to kiss 'er;
He's gittin' closer to her face,
An' pickin' out the softest place,
An' sort o' measurin' off the space,
Jess so as not to miss 'er.

If she'd git mad, an' box his ear,
'Twould knock his plans clean out o' gear,
An' set him back another year;

But she ain't goin' to do it;

She thinks the teacher's jess tip-top, An' she won't let no chances drop; If ever he sets in to pop,

She's goin' to pull him through it!

I gum! an' if he ain't the wust!
Waitin' for her to kiss him fust!
He's goin' to do it neow or bu'st:
He's makin' preparation!

Neow watch him steppin' on her toes-
That's jess to keep her down, I s'pose.
Wall, thar, he's kissed her on the nose!
So much fer edication!

Where Ignorance Is Bliss

ANONYMOUS.

Is love contagious?—I dont' know;
But this I am prepared to say,
That I have felt for many a day
I great desire to make it so.

Does she vouchsafe a thought of me?
Sometimes I think she does; and then
I'm forced to grope in doubt again,
Which seems my normal state to be.

Why don't I ask, and asking know?
I grant perhaps it might be wise;
But when I look into her eyes,
And hear her voice which thrills me so,

I think that on the whole I won't;
I'd rather doubt than know she don't.

If I can Be by Her*

BY BEN. KING.

I d-d-don't c-c-c-care how the r-r-r-obin sings,
Er how the r-r-r-ooster f-f-flaps his wings,
Er whether 't sh-sh-shines, er whether 't pours,
Er how high up the eagle s-s-soars,

If I can b-b-b-be by her.

I don't care if the p-p-p-people s-say

'At I'm weak-minded every w-way,

An' n-n-never had no cuh-common sense,
I'd c-c-c-cuh-climb the highest p-picket fence,
If I could b-b-b-be by her.

[From "Ben King's Verse." Copyright, 1894, by Aseneth Bell King.]

If I can be by h-h-her, I'll s-s-swim
The r-r-r-est of life thro' th-th-thick an' thin;
I'll throw my overcoat away,

An' s-s-s-stand out on the c-c-c-coldest day,
If I can b-b-b-be by her.

You s-s-see sh-sh-she weighs an awful pile,
B-b-b-but I d-d-d-don't care-sh-she's just my style,
An' any f-f-fool could p-p-p-lainly see
She'd look well b-b-b-by the side of me,
If I could b-b-b-be by her.

I b-b-b-braced right up, and had the s-s-s-and
To ask 'er f-f-f-father f-f-fer 'er hand;

He said: "Wh-wh-what p-p-prospects have you got?"
I said: "I gu-gu-guess I've got a lot,
If I can b-b-b-be by her."

It's all arranged f-f-for Christmas Day,
Fer then we're goin' to r-r-r-run away,

An' then s-s-some th-th-thing that cu-cu-couldn't be
At all b-b-efore will then, you s-s-see,

B-b-b-because I'll b-b-b-be by her.

Keep a-goin'!

BY FRANK L. STANTON.

If you strike a thorn or rose,
Keep a-goin'!

If it hails or if it snows,

Keep a-goin'!

'Taint no use to sit an' whine

When the fish ain't on your line;

Bait your hook and keep on tryin'-
Keep a-goin'!

When the weather kills your crop,

Keep a-goin'!

S'pose you're out of every dime?
Gittin' broke ain't any crime;

Tell the world you're feelin' prime,-
Keep a-goin'!

When it looks like all is up,
Keep a-goin'!

Drain the sweetness from the cup,
Keep a-goin'!

See the wild birds on the wing!
Hear the bells that sweetly ring-
When you feel like sighin'-sing!
Keep a-goin'!

Little Ah Sid

ANONYMOUS.

Little Ah Sid was a Chinese kid-
A cute little boy you'd declare-
With eyes full of fun and a nose that begun
Right up at the roots of his hair.

Jolly and fat was this frolicsome brat,

As he played through long summer day; And he braided his cue as his father used to, In Chinaland, far, far away.

Once over a lawn that Ah Sid played upon
A bumble-bee flew in the spring.

"Melican butterfly," said he with winking eye; "Me catchee and pull off um wing."

Then with his cap he struck it a rap—
This innocent bumble-bee-

And put its remains in the seat of his jeans,
For a pocket there had the Chinee.

Down on the green sat the little sardine
In a style that was strangely demure,
And said with a grin that was brimful of sin,
"Me mashee um butterfly sure."

Little Ah Sid was only a kid,

Nor could you expect him to guess
What kind of a bug he was holding so snug
In the folds of his loose-fitting dress.

Ki-ya! Kip-jip-gee," Ah Sid cried as he
Rose hurriedly up from the spot,

"Ki-ya! Yub-a-kam! Dam um Melican man— Um butterfly belly much hot!"

Some Experiments

BY F. X. MOONEY.

A grafter I would like to be,

But not the kind you mean.

I'd like to try experiments

For that kind of work I'm keen.

I'd really like to try my hand

To see what I could do,

And what queer things I could evolve.

Now, really, wouldn't you?

I'd like to cross a mooly cow,

To realize a dream,

With something that would make her give

A quart of nice ice-cream.

I'd like to cross a race-horse

With an ostrich, don't you see?

So that he could run faster,

Then I'd win a bet maybe.
I'd like to cross a lion with

A big watch dog I own,

And have him hang around the house
When I am home alone.

Now, if you cross a cabbage with
Some apples, then no doubt,
You'll be sure to gather in next fall
A crop of sauerkraut.

If you take a sweet potato

And a green pea, if you please,