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NATURAL HISTORY AND THE CIRCUS POSTER
TOMMY: Oh, Papa, is n't it wonderful how the old sea-lions teach the young ones all their tricks!
IN THE DEPARTMENT STORE
BY CAROLYN WELLS
HAVE some material here I wish to exI change-I say I have-Will you kindly wait on me?-Busy?-I have some-Now, I must be waited on; I'm in a great hurry! Oh, very well. I have some material here I wish to exchange. It 's marquisette, but it is n't the right shade. Not marquisette? - Chiffon marquisine? Well, I don't care if it's linsey-woolsey! I want to exchange it, or rather, return it.-No, I don't have a charge account, I want the money back. Please give it to me quickly. I'm going to a matinee.--What! You can't take it back here? I must go to the desk? Why, I bought it here, right at this counter, of that thin girl with the hectic flush. She does n't look well, does she? She ought to go to some good sanatorium. Well, you see this chitton, or whatever it is, is the wrong shade. I asked for elephant's breath, and this is
more on the shade of frightened mouse. It does n't match my satin at all.-Oh, dear, how unaccommodating you are! Well, where is the desk? Ask the floor-walker? Oh, very well!-Please direct me to the desk.-What desk? I don't know, I'm sure! dny desk will suit me! I want to return some goods that does n't match my own material, and you know, this season, if-Near the rear door?-Of course they 'd put it as far away as possible!
Is this the exchange desk? Well, I want to return this piece of goods.-Oh, no! It is n't soiled! That's the original color. Frightened mice often look soiled when they 're not at all! Yes, that is the name! No, it is n't taupe, nor mode, nor steel common, it's just frightened mouse. I can carry colors in my eye just like an artist. Now it
does n't matter what color it is, anyway, for it's the wrong color!-Cut off the piece? Of course it's cut off the piece! There's two yards and a half of it-Remnant? No, it was not! I don't buy leftovers!-Then you can't change it? Well, come to think, maybe it was a remnant. Yes, I believe it was! I don't often get them, but this just matched my satin,-I mean it did n't match my satin, and that 's why I bought it. No I mean-well, anyway, I want to return it. -Had it a long time? Well, I could n't help that! The dressmaker disappointed me, that is, I had to go to some bridge parties and things unexpectedly, so I had to put her off. But the minute she pinned it on the pattern, I saw it was the wrong shade. Pinholes in it? Nonsense!
don't show. Of course we had to pin it. Seems to me you 're making a lot of fuss about a simple exchange-I mean a return. I'd like the money back at once.-A credit check? No, I want the money, I have n't any with me, because I depended on getting this. What! You don't give back the money? Why, it says in your advertisements, "Satisfaction given or money refunded."-Some other shop? Well, I'm sure I thought it was this shop that did that or I'd never have bought the stuff here! Rules? Regulations?-Oh, dear! Well then, take it and give me a credit check
Yes, I'll sign my name! Dear me, what a lot of red tape! I suppose you have to go through all this to keep from being swindled. Yes, that 's my name and address.
Now, can I get anything in the store for this check? Why, that 's rather fun! Seems as if you were giving it to me for nothing! Oh, how pretty that chiffon looks as you hold it up to the light! Do you know, it does n't match my satin, but it would go beautifully with my voile gown, and I want that made over. I do believe. I 'd better keep it. It was a good bargain, I remember. I wonder if it would match it. I'm sure it would,-I carry colors in my eye so well, and it's a lovely quality. I think, if you please, I'll take it back. What, sign my name again? Well, there, I 've signed off again. My! it's like going to law or a divorce court,-not that I've ever done either, and, after this experience, I hope I never shall! But just hold that stuff up again. Oh, now that they 've turned on the electrics, it's a totally different shade! Oh, I don't want it now at all! Can't you turn off the lights again? I'd no idea it was getting so late!-Oh, well, if you 're going to be disagreeable, I'll take it, then. The value is nothing at all to me! My husband is a prosperous broker. Yes, I'll take it. Please send it home for me, and if I don't like it when I get it, I'll send it back,
It was an awful moment for those parents, as you 'll guess;
Like a pair of foolish lovers in a magazine, The look Belinda cast on them no language they sped.
They hung their heads and hurried home in much the flurried state
That our First Parents must have known when turned from Eden's gate.