but the hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman fo dote upon a man; furely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I affure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts afide, I have no other charms. Quic. Bleffing on your heart for 't. Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this: has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other how they love me? 5 Ford. I make bold, to prefs with fo little preparation upon you. Fal. You're welcome: What's your will? Give us leave, drawer. [Exit Bardolph. Ford. Sir, I am a gentleman that have spent much; my name is Brook. Fal. Good master Brook, I defire more acquaintance of you. Ford. Good fir John, I fue for yours: not to Quic. That were a jeft, indeed!-they have not 10 charge you; for I must let you understand, I fo little grace, I hope :-that were a trick, indeed! Fal. Why, I will. think myfelf in better plight for a lender than you are the which hath something embolden'd me to this unfeafon'd intrufion; for they say, if money go before, all ways do lie open. Fal. Money is a good foldier, fir, and will on. Ford. Troth, and I have a bag of money here troubles me: if you will help me to bear it, fir John, take all, or half, for eafing me of the carriage. Fal. Sir, I know not how I may deserve to be You 2o your porter, Quic. Nay, but do fo then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any cafe, have a nay-word 2, that you may know one 25 another's mind, and the boy never need to underftand any thing; for 'tis not good that children fhould know any wickedness: old folks, you know, have discretion, as they say, and know the world. Fal. Fare thee well: commend me to them 30 both there's my purfe; I am yet thy debtor.-This news Boy, go along with this woman.—' diftracts me! [Exeunt Quickly and Robin. Pift. This pink 3 is one of Cupid's carriers ;— Clap on more fails; purfue; up with your fights 4; 35 Give fire; fhe is my prize, or ocean whelm them [Exit Piftol. all! Fal. Say'st thou fo, old Jack? go thy ways; I'll make more of thy old body than I have done. Will they yet look after thee? Wilt thou, after the ex-40 pence of so much money, be now a gainer? Good body, I thank thee: let them fay, 'tis grofsly done, fo it be fairly done, no matter. Enter Bardolph. Bard. Sir John, there's one mafter Brook below would fain speak with you, and be acquainted with you; and hath fent your worship a morning's draught of fack. Fal. Brook, is his name? Bard. Ay, fir. Fal. Call him in: [Exit Bardolph.] Such Brooks are welcome to me, that o'erflow such liquor. Ah! ah! mistress Ford and mistress Page, have 1 encompass'd you? go to; via 5! Re-enter Bardolph with Ford difquis'd. Ferd. Blefs you, fir. Fal. And you, fir: Would you speak with me Ford. I will tell you, fir, if you will give me the hearing. Fal. Speak, good master Brook; I fhall be glad to be your fervant. Ford. Sir, I hear you are a scholar,-I will be brief with you ;-and you have been a man long known to me, though I had never so good means, as defire, to make myself acquainted with you. I thall discover a thing to you, wherein I must very much lay open mine own imperfection: but, good fir John, as you have one eye upon my follies, as you hear them unfolded, turn another into the regifter of your own; that I may pafs with a reproof the eafier, fith 7 you yourself know, how eafy it is to be fuch an offender. Fal. Very well, fir; proceed. Ford. There is a gentlewoman in this town, her husband's name is Ford. Fal. Well, fir. Ford. I have long lov'd her, and, I protest to you, heftow'd much on her; follow'd her with a doting obfervance; engross'd opportunities to meet her; fee'd every flight occafion, that could but niggardly give me fight of her; not only bought many pre45fents to give her, but have given largely to many, to know what she would have given; briefly, I have purfued her, as love hath purfued me; which hath been, on the wing of all occafions. But whatfoever I have merited, either in my mind, or in my means, 5cmeed, I am fure, I have received none; unless experience be a jewel; that I have purchas'd at an infinite rate; and that hath taught me to fay this: Love like a fhadow flies, when fubftance love pursues, Purfuing that that flies, and flying what pursues. Fal. Have you receiv'd no promife of fatisfaction at her hands? 55 Ford. Never. Fal. Have you importun'd her to fuch a purpose? 2 That is, a watch-word. 3 A pink • Of all loves, fignifies no more than to fend him by all means. is a veffel of the small craft, employed as a carrier for merchants. 4 Fights are cloaths hung round the ship to conceal the men from the enemy, and close-fights are bulk-beads, or any other shelter that the fabrick of a ship affords. 5 A cant phrase of exultation common in the old plays. That is, reward with a view of putting you to expence. 7 That is, fince. Meaning, not Ford. Ford. Never. Fal. Of what quality was your love then? Fal. To what purpose have you unfolded this Ford. When I have told you that, I have told you all. Some fay, that, though the appear honeft 5 I Fal. Hang him, poor cuckoldly knave! I know him not-yet I wrong him to call him poor; they fay, the jealous wittoly knave hath masses of money; for the which, his wife feems to me well-favour'd. I will ufe her as the key of the cuckoldly rogue's coffer; and there's my harvest-home. Ford. I would you knew Ford, fir; that you might avoid him, if you saw him. Fal. Hang him, mechanical falt-butter rogue! I to me, yet, in other places, the enlargeth her 10 will ftare him out of his wits; I will awe him with Fal. O fir! Ford. Believe it, for you know it:-There is money; fpend it, fpend it; fpend more; fpend 20 all I have; only give me so much of your time in exchange of it, as to lay an amiable fiege to the honefty of this Ford's wife: ufe your art of wooing, win her to confent to you; if any man may, you may as foon as any. Fal. Would it apply well to the vehemence of your affection, that I should win what you would enjoy? methinks, you prefcribe to yourself very prepofterously. my cudgel; it fhall hang like a meteor o'er the cuckold's horns: master Brook, thou shalt know, will predominate over the peasant, and thou shal lye with his wife,-Come to me foon at night :Ford's a knave, and I will aggravate his stile; thou, master Brook, fhalt know him for knave and cuckold:-come to me foon at night. [Exit. Ford. What a damn'd Epicurean rascal is this !— My heart is ready to crack with impatience.-Who fays, this is improvident jealoufy? my wife hath fent to him, the hour is fix'd, the match is made:Would any man have thought this? See the hell of having a falfe woman! my bed shall be abus'd, my coffers ranfack'd, my reputation gnawn at; and 25I fhall not only receive this villainous wrong, but ftand under the adoption of abominable terms, and by him that does me this wrong. Terms! names! -Amaimon founds well; Lucifer, well; Barbafon, well; yet they are devils' additions, the names Ford. O, understand my drift! fhe dwells fo30 of fiends: but cuckold! wittol! cuckold! the fecurely on the excellency of her honour, that the folly of my foul dares not prefent itfelf; fhe is too bright to be look'd against. Now, could I come to her with any detection in my hand, my defires had 3 inftance and argument to commend themselves; 35 I could drive her then from the ward 4 of her purity, her reputation, her marriage-vow, and a thousand other her defences, which now are too too strongly embattled against me: What say you to't, fir John? Fal. Mafter Brook, I will firft make bold with 40 your money; next, give me your hand; and laft, as I am a gentleman, you shall, if you will, enjoy Ford's wife. Ford. O good fir! Fal. Mafter Brook, I fay you fhall. Ford. Want no money, fir John, you shall want none. devil himself hath not fuch a name. Page is an afs, a fecure afs; he will truft his wife, he will not be jealous: I will rather truft a Fleming with my butter, parfon Hugh the Welchman with my cheefe, an Irishman with my aqua vitæ bottle, or a thief to walk my ambling gelding, than my wife with herfelf; then the plots, then the ruminates, then the devifes: and what they think in their hearts they may effect, they will break their hearts but they will effect. Heaven be prais'd for my jealoufy!-Eleven o'clock the hour;-I will prevent this, detect my wife, be reveng'd on Falstaff, and laugh at Page: I will about it ;-better three hours too foon, than a minute too late. Fie, fie, 45 fie! cuckold! cuckold! cuckold! [Exit Fal. Want no miftrefs Ford, mafter Brook, you fhall want none. I fhall be with her (I may tell you) by her own appointment; even as you came 50 in to me, her affiftant, or go-between, parted from me: I fay, I fhall be with her between ten and eleven; for at that time the jealous rafcally knave, her husband, will be forth. Come you to me at night; you shall know how I speed. Ford. I am bleft in your acquaintance. Do you know Ford, fir? 55 SCENE III. Enter Caius and Rugby. Caius. Jack Rugby! Cains. Vat is de clock, Jack Rug. 'Tis paft the hour, fir, that fir Hugh promis'd to meet. Caius. By gar, he has fave his foul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible vell, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come. Meaning, admitted into all, or the greatest companies. example. 4 Meaning, the defence of it. Allowed is approved. 3 Inflance is Rug Rug. He is wife, fir; he knew, your worship would kill him, if he came. Caius. By gar, de herring is no dead, fo as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him. Rug. Alas, fir, I cannot fence. Caius. Villan-a, take your rapier. Rug. Forbear; here's company. Enter Hoft, Shallow, Slender, and Page. Heft. 'Blefs thee, bully doctor. Shal. 'Save you, mafter doctor Caius. Caius. Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for? 5 a wife and patient churchman: you must go with me, mafter doctor. Hoft. Pardon, guest justice :-A word, monfieur mock-water 7. Caius. Mock-vater! vat is dat ? Hoft. Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully. Caius. By gar, then I have as much mock-vater as de Englishman :-Scurvy-jack-dog-prieft! by 10gar, me vill cut his ears. Heft. He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully. Hoft. To fee thee fight, to see thee foin 1, to fee thee traverse, to fee thee here, to fee thee there; to fee thee pass thy punto, thy stock 2, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco ? ha, bully! What fays 20 my Æfculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder 3? ha! is he dead, bully Stale 4? is he dead? Caius. By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of the world; he is not fhew his face. Hoft. Thou art a Caftilian 5 king, Urina!! 25 Hector of Greece, my boy! Caius. I pray you bear vitness that me have stay fix or feven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come. Shal. He is the wiser man, master doctor: he 30 is a curer of fouls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your profeffions: is it not true, master Page? 6 Page. Mafter Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace. Hoft. And I will provoke him to 't, or let him wag. Caius. Me tank you for dat. Heft. And moreover, bully,-But first, master guest, and master Page, and eke cavalero Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore. [Afide to them. Page. Sir Hugh is there, is he? Hoft. He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about the fields: will it do well? Sbal. We will do it. All. Adieu, good master doctor. [Exeunt Page, Shallow, and Slender. Caius. By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he fpeak for a jack-a-nape to Anne Page. Hoft. Let him die: but, first, fheath thy impatience; throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore; I will 35 bring thee where miftrefs Anne Page is, at a farm-house a feafting; and thou fhalt woo her: Cry'd game 3, faid I well? Sbal. Body-kins, mafter Page, though I now be old, and of the peace, if I fee a fword out, my finger itches to make one: though we are justices, and doctors, and churchmen, mafter Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the 40 fons of women, master Page. Page. 'Tis true, mafter Shallow. Shal. It will be found fo, mafter Page. Mafter doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am fworn of the peace: you have fhew'd yourself 45 a wise physician, and fir Hugh hath fhewn himself Caius. By gar, me tank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I fhall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients. Hoft. For the which, I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page; faid I well? Caius. By gar, 'tis good; vell faid. Hoft. Let us wag then. Caius. Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. [Exeunt. To fain, was the ancient term for making a thrust in fencing, or tilting. 2 Stock is a corruption of fecata, Ital. from which language the technical terms that follow, are also adopted. 3 We must remember, to make this joke relish, that the elder tree has no heart. Probably this expreffion was made ufe of in oppofition to the common one, beart of oak. 4 The reason for calling Caius bully Stale, and afterwards Urinal, must be fufficiently obvious to every reader. 5 Caftilian and Ethiopian, like Cataian, appear in our author's time to have been cant terms. 6 This is a proverbial phrafe, and is taken from stroking the bair of animals a contrary way to that in which it grows, and is of fimilar import with that now in use, against the grain. 7 Perhaps by mock-water, is meant counterfeit. The water of a gem is a technical term. 8 Dr. Warburton thinks it fhould be read thus, CRY AIM, faid I well? i. e. consent to it, approve of it. Have not I made a good proposal? for to cry aim fignifies to confent to, or approve of any thing. The phrafe was taken originally from archery. Mr. Steevens defends, however, the prefent reading, and conjectures, that cry'd game might mean in those days-a prefefs'd buck, one who was as well known by the report of his gallantry, as he could have been by proclamation. ACT Eva. 'Plefs my foul! how full of cholers I am, and trempling of mind!-I fhall be glad, if he have deceiv'd me: how melancholies I am !———I will knog his urinals about his knave's coftard,| when I have good opportunities for the 'ork:'plefs my foul! By fhallow rivers, to whofe falls There will we make our peds of roses, And a thousand uragrant pofies. By fballow III. fon, is at most odds with his own gravity and patience, that ever you saw. Shal. I have liv'd fourfcore years, and upward; I never heard a man of his place, gravity, and learning, so wide of his own respect. Eva. What is he? Page. I think you know him; master doctor Caius, the renowned French physician. Eva. Got's will, and his paffion o' my heart! I had as lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge. Page. Why? Eva. He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and Galen, and he is a knave befides; a cowardly knave, as you would defires to be acquainted 15 withal. [Sings. 20 *Mercy on me! I have a great difpofitions to cry. Melodious birds fing madrigals ; When as I fat in Babylon And a thousand vragrant pofies. By fallsw Simp. Yonder he is coming, this way, fir Hugh. By fhallow rivers, to whofe falls 25 30 Heaven profper the right !-What weapons is he? Eva. Pray you, give me my gown; or elfe keep it in your arms. Enter Page, Shallow, and Slender, Slen. Ah fweet Anne Page! Eva. 'Plefs you from his mercy fake, all of you! ftudy them both, mafter parson? Page. I warrant you, he's the man should fight with him. Slen. O, fweet Anne Page! Enter Heft, Caius, and Rugby. Shal. It appears fo, by his weapons:-Keep them afunder;-here comes doctor Caius. Page. Nay, good master parson, keep in your weapon. Shal. So do you, good master doctor. Eva. Pray you, let us not be laughing-stogs to other men's humours; I defire you in friendship, and will one way or other make you amends :-[ will knog your urinals about your knave's cogscombs, for miffing your meetings and appoint ments. Caius. Diable !-Jack Rugby,-mine Hoft de Farterre, have I not ftay for him, to kill him? 40 have I not, at de place I did appoint? Eva. As I am a chriftians foul, now, look you, this is the place appointed; I'll be judgment by mine hoft of the Garter. Hest. Peace, Isay, Gallia and Gaul, French and 45 Welch, foul-curer and body-curer. Caius. Ay, dat is very good! excellent! Heft. Peace, I fay; hear mine hoft of the Garter. Am I politick? am I fubtle? am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my doctor? no; he gives me Page. And youthful ftill, in your doublet and 50 the potions, and the motions. Shall I lofe my par 'hofe, this raw rheumatick day? Eva. There is reafons and caufes for it. Page. We are come to you, to do a good office, mafter parfon. Eva. Fery well: What is it? Page. Yonder is a most reverend gentleman, who, belike, having receiv'd wrong by fome per fon my priest? my fir Hugh? no; he gives me the pro-verbs, and the no-verbs. Give me thy hand, terreftrial; fo:-Give me thy hand, coleftial: fo.-Boys of art, I have deceiv'd you both; I have 55 directed you to wrong places: your hearts are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt fack be the iffue.-Come, lay their fwords to pawn: The old editions read, the Pittie-ward, the modern editors, the Pitty-wary. There are now no places answering to either of thefe names at Windfor. Follow Follow me, lad of peace; follow, follow, follow. Sbal. Trust me, a mad hoft.-Follow, gentlemen, follow. Slen. O, fweet Anne Page! [Exeunt Shal. Slen. Page, and Hoft. Caius. Ha! do I perceive dat? have you make a de fot of us? ha! ha! Eva. This is well: he has made us his vloutingftog. I defire you, that we may be friends; and 5 he gives her folly motion, and advantage: and now he's going to my wife, and Falstaff's boy with her. A man may hear this shower fing in the wind!— and Falstaff's boy with her!Good plots!they are laid; and our revolted wives share damnation together. Well; I will take him, then torture my wife, pluck the borrow'd veil of modesty from the fo feeming 2 miftrefs Page, divulge Page himfelf for a fecure and wilful Acteon; and to let us knog our prains together, to be revenge on 10 thefe violent proceedings all my neighbours shall this fame fcald', fcurvy, cogging companion, the hoft of the Garter. cry aim 3. The clock gives me my cue, and my affurance bids me fearch; there I fhall find Falftaff: I fhall be rather prais'd for this, than mock'd; for it is as pofitive as the earth is firm, 15 that Falftaff is there: I will go. Enter Page, Shallow, Slender, Hoft, Evans, and Caius. Shal. Page, &c. Well met, master Ford. Ford. Truft me, a good knot: I have good cheer 20 at home; and, I pray you, all go with me. Shal. I muft excufe myself, master Ford. Slen. And fo muft I, fir; we have appointed to dine with mistress Anne, and I would not break with her for more money than I'll speak of. 25 Sbal. We have linger'd about a match between Anne Page and my coufin Slender, and this day we shall have our answer. Slen. I hope, I have your good-will, father Page. Page. You have, mafter Slender; I stand wholly 30 for you :-but my wife, mafter doctor, is for you altogether. Ford. Ay; and as idle as the may hang together, 35 for want of company: I think, if your husbands were dead, you two would marry. Mr. Page. Be fure of that,-two other hufbands. Ford. Where had you this pretty weather-cock? 40 Mrs. Page. I cannot tell what the dickens his name is my husband had him of: What do you call your knight's name, firrah? Reb. Sir John Falstaff. Mrs. Page. He, he! I can never hit on's name. There is fuch a league between my good man and he-Is your wife at home, indeed ? Ford. Indeed the is. Mrs. Page. By your leave, fir;-I am fick 'till I fee her. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Robin. Caius. Ay, by gar, and de maid is love-a-me; my nurfh-a Quickly tell me fo mush. Hoft. What fay you to young master Fenton ? he capers, he dances, he has eyes of youth, he writes verfes, he speaks holy-day 4, he smells April and May: he will carry 't, he will carry 't; 'tis in his buttons 5; he will carry 't. Page. Not by my confent, I promise you. The gentleman is of no having; he kept company with the wild prince and Poins; he is of too high a region, he knows too much. No, he fhall not knit a knot in his fortunes with the finger of my fubftance: if he take her, let him take her fimply; 45 the wealth I have waits on my confent, and my confent goes not that way. 50 Ford. Has Page any brains? hath he any eyes? hath he any thinking? fure they fleep; he hath no ufe of them. Why, this boy will carry a letter twenty miles, as eafy as a cannon will shoot point blank 55 twelve score. He pieces-out his wife's inclination; Ford. I beseech you, heartily, fome of you go home with me to dinner: befides your cheer, you fhall have fport; I will fhew you a monster.Mafter doctor, you shall go ;-so shall you, master Page-and you, fir Hugh. Shal. Well, fare you well-we shall have the freer wooing at master Page's. Caius. Go home, John Rugby; I come anon. Hoft. Farewell, my hearts: I will to my honeft knight Falstaff, and drink canary with him. 1 Scall was an old word of reproach, as fcab was afterwards. 2 Seeming is fpecious. 3 That is, Shall encourage. 4 That is, in an high-flown, fuftian ftyle. It was called a boly-day ftyle, from the old cuftom of acting their farces of the myfteries and moralities, which were turgid and bombaft, on holy-days. 5 This alludes to an old custom among the country fellows, of trying whether they fhould fucceed with their mistreffes, by carrying the batchelor's buttons (a plant whofe flowers resemble a coat-button) in their pockets; and they judged of their good or bad success, by their growing, or their not growing there. Having is the fame as eftate or fortune, Ford. |